THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (2016)


2016  PG-13 blu-ray  2:13   Action, Western

Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt  Peter Sarsgaard Ethan Hawke, Cam Gigandet, Luke Grimes, Haley bennett

Directed by Antoine Fuqua and Written by Akura Kurosawa (based on screen play by Shinobu Hashimoto)

 

Remake of the 1960s western of the same name when a bunch of gunslingers band together to protect a small mining town’s residents from the thugs and ruthless gold tycoon.

Slow paced, but thanks to Chris Pratt’s ‘Best Magic Trick’ I’ve ever seen I was cracking up and kept me from turning the movie off. Though I really had it in the ‘Queue’ for dad.

I like the Native’s name ‘Red Harvest’ and the face paint is cool too.

This one I’d say to save for a roadtrip or a night in a hotel (or somewhere they don’t have cable)

The landscapes in this are worth a blu-ray watch, it was like watching moving photography from in an art gallery.

After his magic trick and a few other small comedic bits of Pratt’s I am really thinking that he was hired to move the movie along to feel like the pace wasn’t so slow. There’s some good quips and surprisingly not all are from the funny man.

Just when you start to getting bored, stop it eat or do something else then come back to it. I’d say the pay off is worth the build up which is pretty tense . Now I know I always say I don’t care if a movie is longer than an hour and a half or 2 hours as I’m getting my money’s worth but that also depends on pace… This one for me was 30-45 minutes too long.

B-

 

IMDB

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and if you want Here’s the ORIGINAL from Amazon 

 

Ouija Origin of Evil


2016, PG-13, horror, thriller, 1:39,  Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson, Annalise Basso

set in what seems to be the 1960s  a fatherless family pays the bills by holding seances and palm readings. The mother does the psychic thing while the daughters when not in school, help push the point across.

The mother comes across the new ‘game’ in a store and brings a board home to use as one of her tools. (You are NOT supposed to use them in your home!!!) The youngest starts talking to ‘a friend’ which is never good, even when she thinks her dead dad tells her how to help save them from losing the family house. After this she stops going to school as she’s the one the board works for best.

Once things hit the fan when the older sister finds little sis scribbling on paper on the floor of her room to her right while looking to her left, the sister (I guess its the morning after) finds the papers sticking out from under the bed when she gathers the girl’s things. She gives them to the priest (which I guess is the principal of the school) to find out what they say as they are written in Polish.

I think somehow the story that was told about this family was ‘fudged’ a bit. Of course it’s been awhile since I watched the original movie but something about the story of these 3 didn’t sound right. Also unlike the first which was a little creepy this was not even eerie or anything remotely ‘scary’

D

IMDB

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Deepwater Horizon


 

2016, PG-13,  blu-ray,  1:47  directed by Peter Bergsstars  Mark Wahlberg, Kate Hudson, Kurt Russel, John Malkovich,  Gina Rodriguez, Brad Leland

Based on true events of the April 20th 2010  BP Deepwater  oil rig. The drama recounts the horrific experience of the crew of 126 on board and the courage that saved many lives. All due to the inept executives who want to save a few bucks by not keeping up maintenance on the rig.

Loved the daughter in this for the short time we got to see her in the beginning. I give her presentation an A+!  Makes me miss kicking butt in my grade school Science fairs! (never got to do a volcano like I wanted but what I did always seemed to get an A and an A+ anyway!)

John Malkovich and Brad Leland play the dips who basically cause the Big Problem  spill.

This was an interesting telling of what happened  in the moments of the accident all due to greedy ignorant incompetant Executives that never listen to their underlings. (Serves your asses  right when you lose money)

it took ( I think I heard) 11 lives and The spill lasted 87 days  (doing who knows what to the aquatic life)  I forget did any of these people go to jail?

 

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Sausage Party


2016   hard R   adults only animated comedy  1:29  Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill,Danny McBride, Selma Hayek, Ed Norton,

  Did you ever wonder when you were a kid, or baked what goes on when the supermarket is closed? Or maybe we just can’t see?

Of course the oldest frat house has, and it comes in the form of an animated hard R comedy

The grocery food and products are actually alive and believe in what they call the beyond (our world).  After watching the movie I read the Entertainment weekly review of it  and wanted to share a quote of it with you as they put the description of ‘the beyond’ ever so ‘eloquently’…

“beyond” is in fact  an abattoir, a masticating horror show of death and dismemberment perpetuated by the greedy, heedless mouths of monstrously hungry human gods.

The hot dogs are a bunch of horn dogs, The unbeknownst dorky store manager is played by the charming Paul Rudd.

Stephen hawking is gum, there’s Sgt pepper which I got a chuckle when I saw as I thought of the Beatles and apparently candy is the best food to fight with.

Then there’s the literal douche played by Nick Kroll, you know the loud obnoxious guy at the bar that’s always too drunk, breath stinks (maybe even body) and is a sexist pig? Yeah that guy is this fem hygiene product in a nutshell.

1:19 or 1:20 not real what called a cartoon

Had a few mildly funny moments and yet its another stoner frat party (need to come up with some frat name for Rogan and Friends) Not sure the age of them guys but even I don’t act nearly as immature even tho I’m told to act my age

I guess this would be funnier if you are stoned though I’d imagine if I were high in anyway I would freak the F out!

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The Legend of Tarzan


2016, PG-13, action adventure Drama

Alexander Skarsgård, Margot Robbie,Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson

We start in the congo  with some deal for some raw diamonds, and then switch to London. Between scenes  we get flashbacks of Tarzan growing up and his life with the gorillas.

Was cracking up at the guy stuck in the train roof!  and half an hour to 1 1/2 hours into the movie we finally find out why the guy in the cheeta  skin wants Tarzan. What the hell with that cut away, then all of a sudden we are in some port.

Now THAT is what you call an army!!

Was ok but too much green screen CG use. Why not just use a real animal  (trained animal actors) and try to use that motion capture.

With Samuel L Jackson in this and going to be in Kong Skull Island I was getting confused with what I was watching every now and again!

Watching this made me realize how much I miss watching Alex on True Blood… MORE MOVIES PLEASE!!

I could probably watch this a few times again before I get tired of it.

IMDB

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Star Trek Beyond


2016   PG-13  Blu-ray      actions, adventure, sci-fi   stars  Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl urban Simon Peg  et al

 

The opening scene is funny I’m guessing its supposed to be sort of like those fluffy tribbles (is that what they were called?)

These are some sort of Triceretops looking things (or at least what they make me think of)  They look so big while Captain Kirk is talking to them, then one stands in front of him and well… the scene escalates!

Wait did I just see a walking string bean? Oh they actually have some green aliens in this one!

The villain Krall reminds me of the Dark Elf from Thor:Dark World and sounds really familiar. I probably knew while filming was going on who it was, but I do like when I forget especially when they are in make-up and prosthetic it’s fun to guess. First I thought the really tall guy from Lost, then I was like, no can’t be as this guy isn’t the right height.

RIP Anton Yelchin     he looks different in this one some how.. like he was more muscular or something. (he didn’t look as scrawny as he did)

After an attack by Krall’s ‘killer bees’ (which remind me more of the way a certain type of a group of birds fly) we have the fall of the Enterprise who’s crew lands on various parts of what I’m calling ‘pumpkin Planet’ (too bad we couldn’t see more than one planet in a movie) though depending on the part the characters land, looks like a different planet each.

There’s a part or 2 where you can tell it’s a green screen with the characters pasted over it  one in which  captain Kirk & the Black and White alien (their backs to us) driving away.

This is definitely NOT the best of the 3! Though I can’t decide if I liked the first one or the one with Benedict Cumberbatch in it better. (however I  remember more of the sequel)

And again we get some of the ‘classics’ that Bones is so crazy about!  They ride the wave of the bee hive in a loud and distracting manor to sabotage it

The movie goes a little meta with a solo scene of Spock with some package out looking an a picture from one of the original casts. (I guess this was supposed to be a tribute to Leonard Nemoy’s passing.

Oh Simon Peg got a writing credit for this, could that be the reason it wasn’t that great?   I give it a big fat

D

http://www.timeout.com/london/film/star-trek-beyond (I think it’s a review)

IMDB

 

 

Central Intelligence


2016 Pg-13  1:47  comedy  action

Dwayne Johnson &  Kevin Hart  Jason Bateman   IMDB

The comedy about the kid that was bullied no matter how big or small he was (and what that person could possibly become) looked funny in the trailers, but I saved that money for another movie as I thought they likely showed all the good stuff in the trailers or just wouldn’t be funny (esp. if the best parts were in the trailer…)

So one day I’m checking out what’s on and I got the chance to watch it on HBO in full before it came up on my ‘Q’.

It was mildly funny but a good laugh, in jokes as well as storyline (much more so than Ghostbusters was).

The Rock plays Bob Stone very computer generated obese student with a small girly voice from what I remember. He contacts his old school football hero Calvin, who is now an accountant.  Meanwhile there’s someone that is following Bob around that he’s a bad guy or some such.

The reunion is well worth the watch  and it put more of a smile on my face than the rest did especially the

“You look like a black Will Will Smith’ line

You could call this an action comedy and maybe is why it worked more than most comedies. Who is the Black Badger?

In parts Kevin Hart reminds me of a badger  but also a hyena the way he screams like a girl, that alone gives me a laugh.

 

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