Sausage Party


2016   hard R   adults only animated comedy  1:29  Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill,Danny McBride, Selma Hayek, Ed Norton,

  Did you ever wonder when you were a kid, or baked what goes on when the supermarket is closed? Or maybe we just can’t see?

Of course the oldest frat house has, and it comes in the form of an animated hard R comedy

The grocery food and products are actually alive and believe in what they call the beyond (our world).  After watching the movie I read the Entertainment weekly review of it  and wanted to share a quote of it with you as they put the description of ‘the beyond’ ever so ‘eloquently’…

“beyond” is in fact  an abattoir, a masticating horror show of death and dismemberment perpetuated by the greedy, heedless mouths of monstrously hungry human gods.

The hot dogs are a bunch of horn dogs, The unbeknownst dorky store manager is played by the charming Paul Rudd.

Stephen hawking is gum, there’s Sgt pepper which I got a chuckle when I saw as I thought of the Beatles and apparently candy is the best food to fight with.

Then there’s the literal douche played by Nick Kroll, you know the loud obnoxious guy at the bar that’s always too drunk, breath stinks (maybe even body) and is a sexist pig? Yeah that guy is this fem hygiene product in a nutshell.

1:19 or 1:20 not real what called a cartoon

Had a few mildly funny moments and yet its another stoner frat party (need to come up with some frat name for Rogan and Friends) Not sure the age of them guys but even I don’t act nearly as immature even tho I’m told to act my age

I guess this would be funnier if you are stoned though I’d imagine if I were high in anyway I would freak the F out!

Watch on or rent from Amazon   read more on  More on IMDB

Hardcore Henry


2016    R   Blu-ray  1:35  Action Adventure Sci-fi  Sharlto Copley

Henry is a newly revived cyborg ‘alive’ for just 5 minutes when his wife is abducted by some power mad asinine jackhole! He’s running low an that’s on both battery power and knowledge of Moscow.

The movie gives you a first person point of view of the action as though you are in a simulator!

When I first saw the previews I thought why not make more movies like this? In moderation of course! Maybe 1 a year or every 2.  I liked the angel how they did it, great with an action movie but how would it work if it were a horror movie? I think if you have the right story it would work well with! Heck why not do 1 more fast and furious this way?!?! give US our own car (doesn’t have to be the whole movie just give us a chance what it looks and ‘feels’ like to see what the drivers see driving that fast and maybe during a stunt.)

Oh and there’s a time you’d swear you were playing a first person shooter game as you see the guns out in front of you like some of those games show.

WTF is this dude with the magic?? Is he another robot?

Wish I got a chance to see it in the theater as I wanted.

 

Watch on Amazon or Get the DVD or Blu-ray   find more info on IMDB

 

Maggie’s Plan


2015  R  1:38  Romantic Comedy Drama,

** Greta Gerwig, Travis Fimmel, Ethan Hawke,Bill Hader,Maya Rudolph,Julianne Moore

Maggie’s plan to have a child on her own, is derailed when after choosing her sperm donor she meets the man of her dreams.

Ethan Hawke plays John, the married man she falls in love with, whose own marriage to Julianne Moore’s Georgette (I forget what she does as far as work) but she’s colder than the Arctic on a winter day, and is a busy body, hardly any time for the kids let alone paying attention to them. No wonder why he’s straying.

Maggie’s plan in itself was a waste of time in her life as she ends up marrying John, has his kid, and the marrige starts to mirror he old one!  She gets bored  and falls out of love with him and gets him back with his wife. There’s a nice twist at the end during the ice skating but you do need to listen for it and the one she should have been with all along shows just in time! Sequel?? it’s open enough for one. If so I think there will be more of Travis Fimmel which yes I watched only to see him play this pickle entrepreneur. Which was you could say quirky I guess. If Travis weren’t in it I wouldn’t have even bothered watching it.

 

imdb

Preview & watch via youtube or  rent or purchase on Amazon

 

Classic Cuts ~ Nightmare On Elm Street


So Syfy channel had a TGI-Freddy Marathon on Friday the 13th (may 2016) and I made it a point to watch.

I thought while doing so I’d work on one of my new ‘columns’ called ‘Classic Cuts’  (well the title is best for slasher movies like this)  which reviews an entire franchise in this case, Brand (Marvel)  or stand alone film (like Goonies)  so

Whatever You do, don’t fall asleep

-Nancy

and WELCOME to nightmare_on_elm_street15

This is one of my favorite franchises, plus I lived one street over from Elm as a kid. I did however wonder why they weren’t doing a Friday the 13th marathon? But I thought why not do an over view of the series!

New line Cinema presents ….

A Nightmare on Elm Street 

 1984      screen play written by Wes Craven (RIP)     90- minutes      Rated R

 Horror, Slasher  stars   Heather Langenkamp , Robert Englund, John Saxon, Johnny Depp

 

Image result for a nightmare on Elm stI think because of the first and maybe second movies I was never comfortable with unfinished basements, the one that was in the house I grew up in (the street over from Elm) well it was a big basement from what I remember. I remember the big water heater and the one thing I hated was if we had to change a blown fuse, we had to pass by it. There were a few times I was tempted to go over to it and try to look in it, but the basement would spook me out.

I don’t know who he is but he’s burned, wears a red & green sweater , this funny hat and knives like fingernails 

-Nancy

 I think one of the great things about the movie was it came with that morbid, haunting nursery rhyme of 1…2.. Freddy’s coming for you.  Of the series I think the first and their movies were the best. They are at least my favorites. I like how in the first he’s scary and serious then in the 3rd he starts  to become somewhat a comedian! The 2nd in the series well as my friend Rich would say  “belongs in the bog of eternal stench”

With the poor 2010 update (remake/reboot..whatever you want to catalog it as) That combined with original and some of the sequel’s storylines, still couldn’t help it, but then  they ruined all the best parts  of the original movie like Johnny Depp’s Character Glenn’s death.

Image result for A nightmare on Elm st 2010

Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

1985   R    87 minutes    Robert Englund   Mark Patton, Kim Myers, Robert Rusler

After this bomb I’m surprised there was even a 3rd movie, but thankfully there was and much improved from this.  I like the sort of literal Highway to hell, sadly they couldn’t have at least got permission to use some of the song. Honestly I think this should have been called ‘The Possession’ as frankly Freddy is getting revenge in all the movies, including the first isn’t he? So the title to me doesn’t work (although yes I know they didn’t know there would be so many sequels).

The girl that plays Lisa, for some reason I always thought she looked like (or at least for some reason  reminded me of the) singer Tiffany.

“You’ve got the Body, I’ve got the brains”

So what is it with this story or the movie that gets a bad rap? Honestly when they don’t show this in a marathon of the series, I’m happy (though I do bitch about a ‘marathon’ being the WHOLE series not just 1 3 & 4 (esp. when they play them out of order)  Could it be the homosexual undertones? Is it the acting, or just the story itself?

F

Nightmare on Elm Street 3 Dream Warriors

1987  Patricia Arquette, Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp, Rodney Eastman, Jennifer Rubin, Laurence Fishburne

Wasn’t Nancy’s grey streak on the other side of her head in the original film? The series’ even the crappy sequels like Freddy’s Revenge, the 3-D Freddy’s Dead and the not as bad (at least to me) meta sequel New Nightmare are still quite high on the re-watch list and worth adding to your video library. (although not sure on the 3-d one… I think that might be worse than part 2, but Freddy’s Dead wasn’t shown during this marathon.. so I just might be right on that!

Welcome to Prime time Bitch 

  -Freddy

A favorite part is ‘Puppet master’ Freddy, the ‘strings’ FX could use some updating!  I believe this may be a fan favorite because of all the memorable quotes. It could also be the alter egos or the cool death scenes.  You had the snarky Kinkaid and the sweet (but pervy) Joey,  Badass Taryn, and Nerdy Will the Wizard Master…

I think this one is a fan favorite because it was so quoteable. While the original was very dark this is a bit brighter but then, that could just be the lights of the mental ward This is one of the originals movies I WOULD like to see remade but as is, just to update the make-up and special FX (like puppet phillip’s ‘strings’)

B

Nightmare on Elm St. 4: Dream Masters

1988  R   Tuesday Knight, Andras Jones, Danny Hassel, Lisa Wilcox  

So we have the last 3 of the true Elm street kids only Patricia Arquette is replaced by Tuesday Knight..(cool freaking name).

I had (and I guess you can say still do) have a big crush on Joey (the character not the actor)  and a guilty pleasure … (If you see me on the street I likely won’t admit this but) I actually like the cheesy pop rock  music in this! (Though I still think heavy metal and horror go best together!)

How sweet, fresh meat

Alice is a full on daydreamer, her brother Rick is a funny guy no wonder Kristen is dating him, Dan the hunky jock Alice is oggling  and their nerd friend and the big haired one (classic for late 80s and much of the 90s) I didn’t catch their names.

Because Kristen can bring people into her dreams, Joey and Kinkaid get pissed at her for ‘waking’ them up into her’s and because of it think she’s just going to bring him back. Sadly there are soon no more Elm street kids but thanks to Kristen who brings Alice into her last nightmare, and would be the worst person to get Kristen’s power gets them. So now, no one is safe!

C

Freddy’s Nightmares  tv series  ran from 1988-1990

I don’t recall how long each episode was half hour or a full hour,but I have been trying to find a full episode. Sadly so far I have not but here’s a promo video (from various countries) Did I see Brad Pitt in there somewhere? (maybe it was a different video)

Imdb page

 

Nightmare on Elm St.4 : Dream Child


If you are not able to read the rhyme, click the pic

1989   89 minutes     Lisa Wilcox   Danny Hassel    Kelly Jo Minter  Erika Anderson  Joe Seely   

Although the movies are still quite rewatchable, even if (some of) the make-up and special FX are dated. My favorite part of this is Dan’s ‘waking’ nightmare with all the pun-ish one liners Freddy slings like “Fuel injection” sounding like an arcade game. Another one is the comic book guy. I don’t remember this poster when it was coming out, the ons I do remember i think all had a baby carriage in it, so I used this one cause I thought it was funny with a Preggers Freddy

man syfy was really constantly I think for 2-3 months doing Nightmare on Elm st. Marathons and I caught this again before something else I wanted to see was coming on. I noticed I think they may have messed with Freddy’s origins, unless because I was tired from my day just didn’t get it. The scene I speak of is when Alice see Amanda Kreuger give birth to Freddy as a lumpy headed looks like Jason Vorhees without the mask creature. I’m not sure if this was just Freddy messing around bringing Mom back to birth him again or if they were trying to change up the the origin story.

I was never really big on this addition to the series    C-

A Nightmare on Elm Street(1989) (Video Game)  

I need to find out what system this was available on… and now wonder if it was the reason the next movie had a gamer in it.

do we get to see a slice of the actual game in the upcoming? (No idea)

(this is the PC version of the game)            if you are a collector… you can find a NINTENDO version on amazon

and the Nintendo NES version (but not sure if it’s the same year)  to me looks like a cross between Super mario Brothers and Donkey Kong

Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare

1991   Lisa Zane, Breckin Meyer  Tom Arnold, Rosanne Barr 

They didn’t include this in the marathon I mentioned but as I said, i’d do an overview of the franchise

With he corny 3-d there’s only one part I remember somewhat clearly, and that’s the gamer (Breckin Meyer I think) that becomes part of the video game. Another part I can remember is one of the characters using 3-D glasses in the movie and that’s all.  Here’s some appreciation one fan shows for the movie; in-defense-of-freddys-dead-the-final-nightmare/ putting it that way, I can appreciate it a bit more. It still sucks though

F

Maybe NOT so FInal!

New Nightmare 

1994  written by Wes Craven stars  Robert Englund, Heather Langenkamp,  Wes Craven

I’m not sure if this was intended to celebrate it, but I see it as a 10 year anniversary of the series. The meta sequel has its good and bad moments  but I can’t recall how fans took it when it came out; or if I saw it in the theater or not. (Depending on when it came out I may or may not have been aloud in to see it, but would be the only one I might have been able to see when it was originally released in the theater. I do like the meta angle, of it, as it’s different and movies usually don’t do that.

C-

 

Order the complete series via amazon

Freddy vs Jason

Freddy vs. Jason:

not sure if this was fan made, but I liked this better than the others I saw

2003  Robert Englund Ken Kirzinger Monica Keena   Katharine Isabelle  Jason Ritter, Kelly Rowland

In this smack down (which I’m sure in a sense paved the way for the superhero match -ups of 2016) Freddy isn’t even a memory as the town has covered up everything relating to Freddy’s existence.  Birth & death certificates and other records are removed, Obituaries redacted, any teens who have had nightmares are quarantined in the asylum not calls in or out same with visitors and they are drugged with that same experimental drug from Dream Warriors  that keeps them from dreaming.

Instead of committing  them all, why not just give ALL the kids in the town a prescription for it?

Freddy uses Jason as a sypher (I guess you could say) to get to the kids because he’s weak  as no one believes in him anymore. Once however Freddy is on the path to coming back, Jason keeps killing the kids and Freddy is not always able to take what he needs to come back.

Gotta love the stoner having gone down the Rabbit hole… Order or watch on Amazon

 C

A nightmare on Elm St.: Real Nightmares

2005 tv series   IMDB

I have no recollection of this being on or ever hearing about it. I will have to see if I can find disks on netflix or another way to give a few of the episodes a watch. Looked on Amazon to see if there were any DVDs or way of watching but sadly nothing comes up other than a season of (syfy’s) Paranormal Witness and some memorabilia

 

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

I wasn’t sure if I wanted to include this in the series info or after the 2010 update…. I think it fits in better with the series info.

 

This is both a book and a video release you can find the review and links to order in the series info at the end, meanwhile here is a review for the book.

A Nightmare on Elm street  (2010) nightmare_on_elm_street_ 2010 ver2_xlg

2010     UPDATE  Jackie Earl Haley, Thomas Dekker, Katie Cassidy, Connie Britton & Kellan Lutz

Frankly this update merges the events of the original 2 movies, but is certainly not a remake as some things are done differently not to mention not in the same order as the others. I will say that was the only way this movie was good (& Kellan Lutz.. even when the guy is supposed to look like he’s been to hell and back he’s hot..come on!)
Kellan Lutz nightmareOf course Horror/Slasher cliche #1… the hottie dies first  and during as well after watching this Blasphemous  update I was ready to enter the nightmares of the creators and whoever’s idea it was to start the series again as well as whoever greenlit it.!

The part when Freddy comes to form through the wall…looks so crappy in CGI, compared to the practical effect in the original.

Even the ‘framed’ boyfriend part of Robert Rustler’s is tweeked instead of being shredded on the ceiling Cassidy’s character looks more like she’s having an epileptic seizure and certainly not as much blood as on the walls and ceiling as the 1st death (Tina) in the original

The scenes as mentioned are not actually in the order they were in and to be a remake, what I call the ‘tribute’ scImage result for Nightmare On Elm Street Alice Cooperenes those iconic scenes from the original film (Like Johnny Depp’s) have to be in there not to mention same order and same way…this one… they flubbed the way Depp’s Death was… and that was a BIG F*** up to me. That was THE BEST Death ever and it doesn’t even look like blood, it looks like black sludge.

Oh and funny that, I was going to make a snarky remark in part 3 about Joey’s “How’s this for a wet dream” and how it’s the reverse of Johnny Depp’s Glenn’s  Blood Volcano…In this one it’s sort of the 2 together.

Oh and we have a cameo of the Shock Rocker Alice Cooper as Freddy’s Dad

To me it just makes more of a darker (not actually bad) parody of the originals but the way they did it just sacrilege!  They should all be strung up by their fingers and toes and slashed with a fountain pen.                D

Watch Via Amazon

Series Info

RIPT T-shirts, the creator of awesome horror movie tees, wants to take you back through the life of Freddy Krueger with a walk down Elm Street: Rated R     FAQs via IMDB

Rewatchability 95%

there’s also my Nightmare near my Street hub  With trailers or clips of each of the movies, as well as my own ‘nightmare’


Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

2010        Doumentary     Heather Langenkamp, Wes Craven, Robert Englund

In the documentary the cast talks about scenes, FX and so on. I’m not a documentary person but this was worth a watch for any fan!

you can order the legacy documentary video here 

The book, you can check out on Amazon, they have the option to look through some of it. There’s some pictures and a variety of information.

 

and purchase the book via Amazon here as well

 

as for this Infograph, I thinkthere are some kills missing, but will have to take care of that the next time I watch a marathon. (and I’ll add that information to each of my reviews.

New line Cinema: The House that Freddy Built still Growing Strong

The Nice Guys


2016 R      Mystery comedy drama  DVD   stars; Ryan Gosling & Russell Crowe   1:56

a private eye teams up with a bruiser for hire in this 1970s Los Angeles set ‘noir-ish’ mystery.

The two investigate a missing persons case and a porn stars suspicious suicide while stumbling (literally) into a conspiracy.

Ha! Nice shot through the hot tub. Loved the (what I supposed was) stock footage, of ads and a preview of the wood panel station wagon. If this wasn’t stock footage then damn did they do a great job with the vintage set and costumes for those parts! (Honestly for the whole movie but what was supposed to be on TV they were watching was awesome.  Oh wow I didn’t know Matt Bomer was supposed to be in this, and almost didn’t realize it was him, but then again it was that awful wig.  There’s some good dry wit or just plain dumbass goofiness like the bathroom scene. Though I wasn’t crazy about Kim Basinger, her acting did not seem good, or shall Isay believeable. Not a good villain on her part.

Imdb        *  order on Amazon  * or watch on Amazon video

The Boss


2016   R comedy   Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Bell 

Normally I can’t stand watching chick comedies cause they just aren’t funny. I ended up starting to watch this when nothing else was on…but something I do watch or wanted to was coming on maybe about half way through…

CEO Michelle Darnell is busted for insider trading, goes to jail and when released is bankrupt with no where to go and no family to stay with. She ends up on the couch of her former assistant.

So When it comes to Melissa McCarthy movies its seems for every 5 she makes one of them might actually be somewhat funny. Not sure who writes that one moderately funny one but really please we need more from you.

Normally I would have seen this coming but the couch bed…not sure why I didn’t expect that to happen, but it got a laugh outta me.

I can’t figure out what is with her and the turtlenecks. First of all, her chin is too small to even bother with a full one. (She should be wearing a crew neck) It just looks so stupid (and not funny) to me, She looks like a floating decapitated head (that is the ONLY thing funny about that gag if it’s supposed to be)  at least give us a reason why she wears them like that, then maybe it’ll be funny or least bit amusing.

So do you remember the trailer with the ‘Dandelions’ (Girl scouts like troop) well that was a bit funny. It just looked very odd to see ‘Girl Scouts’ in a rumble. The best part was something Darnell promised the annoying mom at the meeting….I’ll jsut say ‘butt clusters’  for a clue.

Now there’s a part (the Bra scene) that I wouldn’t think was funny but actually found so, maybe because it went a little long to start to feel sort of awkward.

 

I’m so surprised the movie actually made me laugh more than once. Maybe it was the physical ‘slap stick’  parts that came off funny rather than the actual verbal jokes.

So unlike most, as it did give me a few laughs (as usually a chick comedy if lucky only usually gives me one Ha!) I’m going to give it a bonus plus!

Oh yeah and by the way, I watched the whole movie instead of flipping over to my show! So there’s a compliment for ya.

C+    buy or watch on Amazon

Holidays


2016   NR   1:45  Anthology/Horror    ( IMDB info)

It may not be rated but I give it a Pg-13 to an R rating from what I’ve seen.

starring  (well the notables anyway)  Seth Green, Harley Quinn Smith, Michael Gross, Ashley Greene, Jocelin Donahue

Each of the movie shorts, end with a card and the writer or director’s name on it.

 

Are you one of those people sick of the same Holiday specials every year? Maybe for some reason you just hate the holidays, (or certain ones) well this is a derogatory gesture to those holidays. I’m not usually keen on short stories because a lot of times they do not seem to be fully told, as if the beginning and or middle or maybe the middle and the ending are cut off.  However in this there are a few that I quite liked.

If you ever saw the ABC’s of Fear, think of this as the ABC’s of the holidays or as Holidays of fear!

The  movie started with a swim team during practice and some mean fake blonde  picking on some girl max or as she calls her ‘Maxi pad’. The blonde bully and her cohorts shouldn’t talk cause they are nothing to be picking on someone about as they are not all that themselves. With her pale splotchy face, fake blonde hair, or those scary eyebrows. One of her entourage looked like she’s from a Horror  movie…oh wait this is… I mean a horror version of Dazed and Confused.

Max has a crush on her swim coach for some reason, which besides the mean girl I’m not sure which is supposed to be scarier. We find out it’s (almost?) Valentine’s day and Max decides to get an extra special valentine to her coach. I’ll leave it at that. This one I did like  but I think was half way or almost finished before we find out what holiday we are watching.

Why didn’t it start with New Years though?

then we visit a classroom for St. Patrick’s Day with some creepy tree craft. Yes I know St. Patrick supposedly drove the snakes out of Ireland and all that but this fell flat for me. This one for me was a lame duck, skip it.

Now the Easter one was an nice interesting twist as to why you should be asleep when the bunny comes. It’s also a bit scary in the end. No one is supposed to see nor has ever seen the Easter Bunny. The little girl has no problem with the bunny it seems, but Jesus coming back she seems terrified about… (I don’t blame her… I don’t like zombies either).Her mom explains you are not supposed to be up when the Easter bunny comes, while explaining to her that it’s the day Jesus rose etc. One of the girls anxieties is what if she wakes up at night or needs a glass of water? Her mom tells her that’s ok.This short is the reason you shouldn’t be up when the bunny (or really any gift giving icon of the holidays) comes. Apparently Jesus is the Easter Bunny but looks a bit like a cobra with the ears down like that. This was one of my favorites of the anthology.

Mother nature is a bitch, and this proves my point. Mother’s Day Forget not being able to get preggers, this one is over fertile no amount of birth control or condoms seem to help! Now that is truly terrifying.

While on Father’s day  a tape recorder shows up on Carol’s stoop. It’s her father who disappeared or something when she was little and there’s instructions for her to find him.  Not impressed with this one but suspenseful

I enjoyed the  vintage holiday cards they showed after each short, it also mentioned  who the writer and/or director was.

Halloween was quite amusing, I think the ladies will like this one best. It’s a little funny in a sense but All I’ll say is webcam witches and payback as a hint. Definitely another fave highlight of the anthology    :::evil laugh:::

Now Christmas had me laughing for one reason… you know that Samsung VR thing that was out for the 2016 holidays? Well Seth Green is out to buy a gift (last minute the freaking idiot)  and because he was too late, someone else got what and he wanted to get his kid. Which were UVU glasses (so this made me think of the Book and soon to be movie ready Player one)  anyway you hear about holiday shopping and people having riots etc. (Heck mom had to get my Cabbage Patch Kid from the back of the store, I think you got a voucher or something from inside or when you pre-ordered and this helped control the crazies or something)  Anyway this is what the movie reminds me of and that finding a holiday gift (heck just getting out of the store) can be a real killer! It’s not just that but a reminder to always put that sleep timer on your electronics in case you are called away and there are nosy bodies around. This one was ok… and the story end up being in a sense another Samsung VR commercial.

Then there’s the New Year with a last minute date the character finds from Craigslist or some some online site. Well I saw where this was going in an instant… my question was which is the one that is gonna chop up the other? And y

So as I said it’s sort of like the ABC’s of Fear just with the holidays instead. It’s just too bad they use the most popular ones, but then again there’s already a movie titled Krampus, but too bad they don’t use Yule as well. as it does pre-date Christianity and most of the symbols (if not all) of ‘Christmas’ are actually Pagan!

 

Want to check it out? Get it on Blu-ray or DVD

See the trailer on   Amazon Video

You can also check out this screen rant article that lists it as #1 in most unusual horror films !