THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (2016)


2016  PG-13 blu-ray  2:13   Action, Western

Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt  Peter Sarsgaard Ethan Hawke, Cam Gigandet, Luke Grimes, Haley bennett

Directed by Antoine Fuqua and Written by Akura Kurosawa (based on screen play by Shinobu Hashimoto)

 

Remake of the 1960s western of the same name when a bunch of gunslingers band together to protect a small mining town’s residents from the thugs and ruthless gold tycoon.

Slow paced, but thanks to Chris Pratt’s ‘Best Magic Trick’ I’ve ever seen I was cracking up and kept me from turning the movie off. Though I really had it in the ‘Queue’ for dad.

I like the Native’s name ‘Red Harvest’ and the face paint is cool too.

This one I’d say to save for a roadtrip or a night in a hotel (or somewhere they don’t have cable)

The landscapes in this are worth a blu-ray watch, it was like watching moving photography from in an art gallery.

After his magic trick and a few other small comedic bits of Pratt’s I am really thinking that he was hired to move the movie along to feel like the pace wasn’t so slow. There’s some good quips and surprisingly not all are from the funny man.

Just when you start to getting bored, stop it eat or do something else then come back to it. I’d say the pay off is worth the build up which is pretty tense . Now I know I always say I don’t care if a movie is longer than an hour and a half or 2 hours as I’m getting my money’s worth but that also depends on pace… This one for me was 30-45 minutes too long.

B-

 

IMDB

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Sausage Party


2016   hard R   adults only animated comedy  1:29  Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill,Danny McBride, Selma Hayek, Ed Norton,

  Did you ever wonder when you were a kid, or baked what goes on when the supermarket is closed? Or maybe we just can’t see?

Of course the oldest frat house has, and it comes in the form of an animated hard R comedy

The grocery food and products are actually alive and believe in what they call the beyond (our world).  After watching the movie I read the Entertainment weekly review of it  and wanted to share a quote of it with you as they put the description of ‘the beyond’ ever so ‘eloquently’…

“beyond” is in fact  an abattoir, a masticating horror show of death and dismemberment perpetuated by the greedy, heedless mouths of monstrously hungry human gods.

The hot dogs are a bunch of horn dogs, The unbeknownst dorky store manager is played by the charming Paul Rudd.

Stephen hawking is gum, there’s Sgt pepper which I got a chuckle when I saw as I thought of the Beatles and apparently candy is the best food to fight with.

Then there’s the literal douche played by Nick Kroll, you know the loud obnoxious guy at the bar that’s always too drunk, breath stinks (maybe even body) and is a sexist pig? Yeah that guy is this fem hygiene product in a nutshell.

1:19 or 1:20 not real what called a cartoon

Had a few mildly funny moments and yet its another stoner frat party (need to come up with some frat name for Rogan and Friends) Not sure the age of them guys but even I don’t act nearly as immature even tho I’m told to act my age

I guess this would be funnier if you are stoned though I’d imagine if I were high in anyway I would freak the F out!

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Great Wall


2017  PG-13 action adventure fantasy  Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem  Dafoe, Pedro Pascal

For a movie called the great wall, I found a lack of posters without it in it. It’s mostly just the actors with the text(maybe a small fore-image or background image of the wall.  If there are any (They are from China and those countries, a few I’ve seen but they are more art than an image from the movie.)

So I was sea-sawing on the decision to see this. I got an email from Showcase cinemas that if you had a star pass and bought a ticket for the movie, you get a FREE!!! Popcorn AND! drink!!! made the decision for me! My dad wanted to see it as well so we went and had ‘daddy daughter’ time.  For a sort of last minute decision, we quite enjoyed it.

The movie is about one of the legends of the Great Wall, as well as the army that protects it. a couple of mercenaries in search of black powder (gun powder)  end up attacked by some creature and are able to kill it. They end up helping the colorful army defend the wall against some monstrous creatures.

The army is a color coded menagerie of  warriors. Red archers,  Yellow foot soldiers and my favorite the Blue Crane corps, amde up of all women who ‘fly’. They are like a fighting Cirque du Soleil.

They have been in preparation for the return of some creatures, I forget… were they called tregarts? (or was that something from harry potter?)

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The Legend of Tarzan


2016, PG-13, action adventure Drama

Alexander Skarsgård, Margot Robbie,Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson

We start in the congo  with some deal for some raw diamonds, and then switch to London. Between scenes  we get flashbacks of Tarzan growing up and his life with the gorillas.

Was cracking up at the guy stuck in the train roof!  and half an hour to 1 1/2 hours into the movie we finally find out why the guy in the cheeta  skin wants Tarzan. What the hell with that cut away, then all of a sudden we are in some port.

Now THAT is what you call an army!!

Was ok but too much green screen CG use. Why not just use a real animal  (trained animal actors) and try to use that motion capture.

With Samuel L Jackson in this and going to be in Kong Skull Island I was getting confused with what I was watching every now and again!

Watching this made me realize how much I miss watching Alex on True Blood… MORE MOVIES PLEASE!!

I could probably watch this a few times again before I get tired of it.

IMDB

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Star Trek Beyond


2016   PG-13  Blu-ray      actions, adventure, sci-fi   stars  Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Zoe Saldana, Karl urban Simon Peg  et al

 

The opening scene is funny I’m guessing its supposed to be sort of like those fluffy tribbles (is that what they were called?)

These are some sort of Triceretops looking things (or at least what they make me think of)  They look so big while Captain Kirk is talking to them, then one stands in front of him and well… the scene escalates!

Wait did I just see a walking string bean? Oh they actually have some green aliens in this one!

The villain Krall reminds me of the Dark Elf from Thor:Dark World and sounds really familiar. I probably knew while filming was going on who it was, but I do like when I forget especially when they are in make-up and prosthetic it’s fun to guess. First I thought the really tall guy from Lost, then I was like, no can’t be as this guy isn’t the right height.

RIP Anton Yelchin     he looks different in this one some how.. like he was more muscular or something. (he didn’t look as scrawny as he did)

After an attack by Krall’s ‘killer bees’ (which remind me more of the way a certain type of a group of birds fly) we have the fall of the Enterprise who’s crew lands on various parts of what I’m calling ‘pumpkin Planet’ (too bad we couldn’t see more than one planet in a movie) though depending on the part the characters land, looks like a different planet each.

There’s a part or 2 where you can tell it’s a green screen with the characters pasted over it  one in which  captain Kirk & the Black and White alien (their backs to us) driving away.

This is definitely NOT the best of the 3! Though I can’t decide if I liked the first one or the one with Benedict Cumberbatch in it better. (however I  remember more of the sequel)

And again we get some of the ‘classics’ that Bones is so crazy about!  They ride the wave of the bee hive in a loud and distracting manor to sabotage it

The movie goes a little meta with a solo scene of Spock with some package out looking an a picture from one of the original casts. (I guess this was supposed to be a tribute to Leonard Nemoy’s passing.

Oh Simon Peg got a writing credit for this, could that be the reason it wasn’t that great?   I give it a big fat

D

http://www.timeout.com/london/film/star-trek-beyond (I think it’s a review)

IMDB

 

 

X-men Apocalypse


The usual suspects Fassbender, Jennifer Lawrence, Nicolas Holt, Even Peters,James McAvoy, Sophie Turner with McGuyver’s Lucas Till (was he in the past ones?)

I don’t have much to say about this, other than we find out how  Charles Xavier becomes bald.

The plotline stinks, why does it seem centered on Mistique to me? Wasn’t crazy about Angel though glad he now has the sharpened wings. And s a few days later I can’t remember much (nothing that matters) about it.

It’s set in the 80s and starts in Ancient Egypt during a transfiguration Ritual (why not just call Professor McGonagal?)

Some ‘Gods’ or shall I say priests with the masks of their gods as well as soldiers around are protecting the body.

One of these soldiers who is supposed to protect what is going on is in on a plan against the ritual, and upon attacking gets folded up into a ball.

Later Charles Xavier’s school is burning down and Quicksilver goes to save everyone, one being a french bulldog which love the face like it’s in a car and its jsut not letting go of that slice of pizza!

Amusing the movie makes fun of it self!! saying the 3rd one always sucks and honestly.. I’m VERY glad I didn’t waste my money on it seeing it in the theater! I waited for cable!  Definitely a poor (below poor?) outing.

and EssexCorp. What is the Essex corp? I never heard of that before or don’t remember .

Honestly I’m not crazy about this set of X-men films… I like the originals better, but then I do need to rewatch those for a Class Cuts installment

Central Intelligence


2016 Pg-13  1:47  comedy  action

Dwayne Johnson &  Kevin Hart  Jason Bateman   IMDB

The comedy about the kid that was bullied no matter how big or small he was (and what that person could possibly become) looked funny in the trailers, but I saved that money for another movie as I thought they likely showed all the good stuff in the trailers or just wouldn’t be funny (esp. if the best parts were in the trailer…)

So one day I’m checking out what’s on and I got the chance to watch it on HBO in full before it came up on my ‘Q’.

It was mildly funny but a good laugh, in jokes as well as storyline (much more so than Ghostbusters was).

The Rock plays Bob Stone very computer generated obese student with a small girly voice from what I remember. He contacts his old school football hero Calvin, who is now an accountant.  Meanwhile there’s someone that is following Bob around that he’s a bad guy or some such.

The reunion is well worth the watch  and it put more of a smile on my face than the rest did especially the

“You look like a black Will Will Smith’ line

You could call this an action comedy and maybe is why it worked more than most comedies. Who is the Black Badger?

In parts Kevin Hart reminds me of a badger  but also a hyena the way he screams like a girl, that alone gives me a laugh.

 

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