Spread


2009  R  1:37  ? Rom  com?  Drama  AShton Kutcher, Sebastian Stan, Margarita Leviva & Anne Hecht

Nikki (Kutcher) is a womanizer of older well off women who he targets to use for anything for some sexual favors. When he meets waitress Heather the player gets played as she knows all his tricks and uses them on him but he doesn’t seem to realize it until he moves ‘her’ car.

At first its a whole lot of the same thing then a bit of a switch bu the characters are one dimensional, uninteresting clods er Sluts (heck technically hookers) That’s only watching for an hour and 8 minutes. Have to fast forward ahead, though I was surprised to see Eric Balfour in a scene.

I’d say skip it its a waste of time and feels longer than the hour and a half it is. It’s like slow torture watching paint dry (actually THAT might be more entertaining!)

Will


TNT  Mondays @ 10     Laurie Davidson, Olivia DeJonge , Mattias Inwood,Colm Meaney     IMDB

In the first episode ‘London Calling’ belts out and my isn’t the market a colorful place.

So what do you get when you cross Shakespear and punk? WILL

In a sense it sort of reminds me of the modern Romeo and Juliet movie from the 90s that Leoardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes starred in. Only this, is supposed to be in the time Will lived but has modern accents. Some of those outfits are too bright for commoners to afford IF even there were colors as vivid back then for clothing. The Audience during the plays look like they should be part of blood drive …or comic con with their colorful hair or face paint (maybe you could include Face-off in there too) Just that alone is entertaining.

I thought this was going to be a horrible bore that, the pacing would be slow and all but its actually enjoyable.

If that is what the theater make up really looked like back then.. then I think someone’s cosmetic bag melted on all their faces. (Either that or the toxic crap joker and Harley fell into)

I like the costumes and especially the one (in the first or 2nd episode) of the guy that I take is supposed to own the theater.

Definately a cool ‘Punkspeare’? eh doesn’t sound so good but I think you may enjoy it if you give it a few episodes.

xXx: Return of Xander Cage


2017  PG-13  blu-ray  1:47 Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Nina Dobrev, Donnie Yen, Toni Collette

                                         Kris Wu  Ruby Rose  Deepika Padukone

I like the opening ‘space’ scene and the bit in the Chinese restaurant with Gibbons trying to recruit some guy (at the end of the movie shows he’s some soccer star) but showed a ‘stats’ card that said he thought he was being recruited by the Avengers.

Now there’s a cool stunt.. ‘flipping off bullets’ onto a bike might beat Winter Soldier’s grabbing the bike out from under the rider..  but I’m not really sure on that. I’ll go with a tie. Now wait… skiing …without snow… in a forest…I mean I know they ‘snowboard’ on sand dunes but with all the rocks etc that would be in a forest would that even work? I’m going to just chalk this one up to Hollywood imagery.

Now THIS was freaking cool he goes from BMX dirt bike to a …errr… SKI Bike!!! or do we call it a surf bike WTF should that be called! but whatever I’d LOVE to try it!

Oh Forget Xander can we get a spin-off of the Green haired sniper?  (for some reason she reminds me of that 90s Aeon Flux cartoon)

What should be the meaty part of the movie, with not only story with a minor and a major stunt and action work …ends up a disappointment.

Just as said… gridlocked traffic (lol) ok so maybe they saved some budget that would have been used for at least a fight in act 2, for Xander going fast and furious!  Ugh the corny ass chick pose shooting, really I thought we were past that  Charlies Angels crap!!! (where’s the feminists bitching about that?!!?!?!)

‘The Mouth Problem’  (not gonna ruin that) and we get a surprise I didn’t expect to show! WOW for once something in an action movie is actually kept on the DL  although I do say they do show too many stunts etc in the trailers, and with this one not having as much as I remember in the original (though I could be wrong.. I haven’t re-watched that in years)

I will say one way the original is better than this one… the sound track! The original one had a 2 -in-one a disk for the rockers and one for the hip hop/rap fans. 

I can’t even find an actual soundtrack.. just ‘Music from the motion picture’ which from reading the titles is actually the score (being it’s not music made by different artists and bands)

I thought it was going to be total crap like certain other reboots that have happened but it wasn’t too bad, I might even consider putting it in my library with the original

C

 

 

 

IMDB   *    buy your preferred format here via AMazon

 

Coulrophobia and Fata Morgana by Jacob M. Appel


Coulrophobia & Fata Morgana

So what is Coulrophobia?

 it is a fear of clowns. The term is of recent origin, probably dating from the 1980s, and according to one analyst, “has been coined more on the Internet than in printed form because it does not appear in any previously published, psychiatric, unabridged, or abridged dictionary.”  Coulrophobia – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Considering the upcoming AHS season and It due in theaters I think in September this is certainly a great word vocabulary word to teach. (Honestly each week or month there should be a phobia in vocabulary for class)

& Fata Morgana

A FataMorgana is an unusual and complex form of superior mirage that is seen in a narrow band right above the horizon. It is the Italian name for the Arthurian sorceress Morgan le Fay, from a belief that these mirages, often seen in the Strait of Messina, were fairy castles in the air or false land created by her witchcraft to lure sailors to their death. Fata Morgana (mirage) – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I’ve read Jacob’s previous book, as I had signed up to win a free copy on Goodreads. I didn’t win but Jacob sent one to me to read and review.  Towards the end of 2016, I received this book I didn’t even sign up for anything. I just dropped Jacob a message to say thank you and I’d get to it in 2017 as I already had my reading list planned.

There are 10 short stories in this anthology the first is titled

The Butcher’s Music

Rita is a butcher shop owner and butcher herself,  her sister Tammy plays cello an the sisters have not seen each other in 3 years.  Rita has a sort of boyfriend that works next door from her shop. Tammy drops a bomb that she’s coming for a visit but the bomb is really what she reveals to Rita as to why she needs help.

 

The Punishment

Read 4 1/2 pages so far but may have to re-read that as I don’t remember a thing of what I read

There’s a character named Patzi and I think she has a son who just got in formal trouble with the law

 

Pollen

I already forget this story and what its about… and its only been a day or 2 since I read it… Yet I can remember the gist of the previous 2.

 

Boundaries

So I’m writing this up right after I finish the story.. There’s Artie Kimmel who along with a partner is pro0tecting the U.S. Canadian board. Its Christmas (or xmas eve) and the past many years they’ve had the tradition of being on together and watching holiday movies as its normally a slow night. Tonight is a snowglobe of falling and blowing snow when a car pulls up and the person inside seems to have smallpox.

 

Coulrophobia

So a mime rents an apartment and the landlord makes mime pun jokes. The Mime I think his name was. Being the parents could only afford for the boy to go to some community thing that was free Simon made a Mime camp just for the boy. Teaching him all sort of things, eventually he teaches the step mother as well. the moral of the story is basically you’ll be all alone if you are jealous and Prejudice (if you want to call it that)

Not big on this one, I did not find it interesting and frankly a bit of a scare or joke would have been nice to break up the monotony of the story (and I don’t mean the landlord’s lame mime jokes)

 

Saluting the Magpie

What peeves me more than parents that don’t pay attention to their kids is ones that freak out over the littlest (and most common) things like things er phases  that babies have gone though for  decades.

Calliope swallows a penny on her mother Gillian’s watch. First off, I’m 50% sure that since coins have been around,  babies have been swallowing them. at least once. There’s an age they get grabby, another they ‘eat’ things sometimes these happen at the same time.  I’ve swallowed pennies…yes plural… as a child but my mother said she put her fingers down my throat and got them out herself.  The woman in this book is wound too tight to be a mother, she needs one of my anti-anxiety  pills I take when I feel one coming on, basically and literally “a chill pill’

Quite honestly I wanted to smack her in the face for the hysterics, and the husband doesn’t say a word to defend himself when she’s blaming HIM for HER slack baby watching. Honestly why wasn’t the baby in the playpen?  Where/what as she doing when the baby ate it? I feel the husband’s frustration and want to yell at her for him!

Fata Morgana

a couple that lives countries apart, one in the states the other I think was Denmark or Norway. They marry and spend their honeymoon in Iceland. At this point that all I can remember besides the husband hurting his leg and the wife having some serious Nicotine withdrawal

Hearth and Home

a friendly affair, of culture and loneliness and a laugh at the end.

 

Counting

2 people working for the Census bureau go out to the desert to do their thing with 2 people who don’t want to exist.  The husband builds with playing cards so, they make a deal if he can build to the rafter of the house without it falling, then the Census get’s their answers, if it doesn’t fall then they go away otherwise then they get the information they are there for.

 

Silent Theology

Some reverend’s dead wife is cheating on him with Greta Garbo. Sort of funny in a morbid way, yet if I were to analyze it (which I hate when people do) to what it might be a metaphor for, I’d say senility, dementia etc.  The daughters are awful one a fanatic the other leans away from the family’s beliefs etc.

 

 

I think the best 2 stories were The Butcher’s Music and Boundaries. Also I can remember Counting quite well as well.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter


2017   R  1:46  Mila Jovovich, Shawn Roberts,Eion Mackin, Ali Larter

 

Alive returns  to Raccoon city to fight against some of Unmbrella’s  new mutant monstrosities to be unleashed on the last of the human population.

“The End…..the end to my story”- Alice

so what this isn’t the actual end of the franchise, just Mila Jovovich? Will you see it without her, or would it just depend on who the new ‘alice’  oops sorry/.. lead is?

Oh crap was that a dragon? or a Turok……(Avatar creatur rip off)?

So the Capital building Looks rotted like a zombie Oh and then they copy off of walking dead with the HEAD-quarium, a bit of Star Trek’s Khan fight on the moving vehicle gods is anything original in this and not a knock-off/Nod to something else?

Erebus?? wait wasn’t that the vampire Bible in blade? Oh maybe they said Cerebus.. the 3 headed dog or something like that from Greek mythology right? So I’m waiting for it… and a mass of doberman’s….dead’mans (or I think they are) come out I was waiting even after this for some 3 headed or more dog! but end up disappointed.

I can tell you one thing I’ve always liked about the series… the monster or 2 of the movie!  They have had some freakish things that i commend the demented mind of whoever the creator(s) were for those monsters. The one in this is kinda creepy and scary at a certain angle otherwise it was laughable to me.

The ‘big scary’ as far as this point goes kinda reminds me of ‘Pumpkinhead’ (now that is a remake I’d like to see just don’t screw with the look of Pumpkinhead)  i just can’t tell ya who’s ‘prettier’

Well look at that Maiden Mother and Crone or as what’s his name (he’s in game of thrones as well)  The trinity of Bitches (yes I do allow that, its in the dictionary) as he put it

I think a question mark should be after the ‘Final Chapter’  but recently saw in entertainment weekly they have I think 6 more movies approved

Glad I didn’t see this in the theater would have been a waste of money.  Basically 2016-2017 reboots have failed it seems.  I will say I think Underworld bloodwars was more interesting to watch than this.

D-

IMDB Page   If you want to rent it… Here’s the amazon link

Underworld: Blood Wars


2017   R 1:31  Kate Beckinsale Theo James Bradley James Charles Dance

 

So the what is this 5th movie in the franchise? Did I miss one? Oh no it was that 3rd movie that was a ‘base tart ized’  prequel.  (sorry I do try to keep things at PG or PG-13 but its fun to be creative in how to ‘curse’ and  yet adhere to my rules and anything I need to follow of wordpress guidelines.

So Slene is now an outcast and hunted by both factions (the lycans by her own vampires including her own clan), Selene and new friend David (Theo James) take on Marius (wasn’t he in one of the previous movies??) the new lycan leader and a scheming traitorus female vampire leader.

Selene has no idea where her daughter is for the child’s protection (and maybe even her own)

Now I’ve heard of white parties, I guess this is the vampire version though I think it needs a touch of red.. maybe the host should wear that. I mean those dank dark halls of the vampire palaces… oh I get the black.. its a ‘bat’ party like the white elephant in the room!  (Just my goofy interpretation….)

There’s some fight they end up in water (I think it was a fountain or a pond inside) that was cool coming up out of it then there’s a the fight on ice! (if only I could remember the when I went to the) ice Capades … this might have actually been better than that!

Love James Theo’s vampire eye color…definitely an improvement but then I do say “Fangs make the man”

The movie was ok but it doesn’t feel like there’s anything important on the line.No heart in the fight even after the revel from Marius (has to do with Scott Speedman’s character)

 

a C or D for some cool parts yet disappointing….

 

(also… Crayola needs to make a ‘vampire Blue eyes’  color!

IMDB page   * Rent or Buy via Amazon

Bye Bye Man


2017   PG13   1:36  blu-ray    Douglas Smith, Michael Trucco, Doug Jones, Lucien Laviscount,Cressida Bonas,Erica Tremblay    

IMDB

Wisconsin College students find an off campus house to rent, includes  furniture and a supernatural evil.

October 20th 1969 a man is ‘rabid’ asking everyone “Did you tell anyone the name?”  (but he never says who not even a hint) Then he grabs a rifle do you really think anyone will admit to it now?!  So guessing there will be a little more backstory later. Though at this point… (and not to really compare to a great) Nightmare on elm street had more story at least 5 pages with the kids’ nightmares than this does with a quarter of a sheet…

 

Well at least they used an amusingly fitting song in the movie…. Bye Bye Love…. Bye Bye loneliness….

See the hound and hear the coins the closer he is. I wouldn’t actually recommend this to see. Skip it and watch one of the old slasher films! Freddy is scarier than than Bye Bye Man’s snakey looking Voldermort face.

The story of our spectre is still paper thin when the movie is over, only that he’s sort of like a grim reaper is the only other thing I  heard. Too bad they couldn’t have included HOW he actually came about instead of maybe a possible prequel (if that’s even planned)  Ouija was better hell my nightmares are better than this! (If only I could record those to scare the crap outta the viewing public!

That hell hound thing although the FX for it is laughable kinda reminds me of something from one of the resident evil movies

D

If you bother to see it, just don’t buy it for your library it’s not worth the money! Rent it and save the rest toward a better movie.

rent here via Amazon  it’s not worth buying though.