Resident Evil: The Final Chapter


2017   R  1:46  Mila Jovovich, Shawn Roberts,Eion Mackin, Ali Larter

 

Alive returns  to Raccoon city to fight against some of Unmbrella’s  new mutant monstrosities to be unleashed on the last of the human population.

“The End…..the end to my story”- Alice

so what this isn’t the actual end of the franchise, just Mila Jovovich? Will you see it without her, or would it just depend on who the new ‘alice’  oops sorry/.. lead is?

Oh crap was that a dragon? or a Turok……(Avatar creatur rip off)?

So the Capital building Looks rotted like a zombie Oh and then they copy off of walking dead with the HEAD-quarium, a bit of Star Trek’s Khan fight on the moving vehicle gods is anything original in this and not a knock-off/Nod to something else?

Erebus?? wait wasn’t that the vampire Bible in blade? Oh maybe they said Cerebus.. the 3 headed dog or something like that from Greek mythology right? So I’m waiting for it… and a mass of doberman’s….dead’mans (or I think they are) come out I was waiting even after this for some 3 headed or more dog! but end up disappointed.

I can tell you one thing I’ve always liked about the series… the monster or 2 of the movie!  They have had some freakish things that i commend the demented mind of whoever the creator(s) were for those monsters. The one in this is kinda creepy and scary at a certain angle otherwise it was laughable to me.

The ‘big scary’ as far as this point goes kinda reminds me of ‘Pumpkinhead’ (now that is a remake I’d like to see just don’t screw with the look of Pumpkinhead)  i just can’t tell ya who’s ‘prettier’

Well look at that Maiden Mother and Crone or as what’s his name (he’s in game of thrones as well)  The trinity of Bitches (yes I do allow that, its in the dictionary) as he put it

I think a question mark should be after the ‘Final Chapter’  but recently saw in entertainment weekly they have I think 6 more movies approved

Glad I didn’t see this in the theater would have been a waste of money.  Basically 2016-2017 reboots have failed it seems.  I will say I think Underworld bloodwars was more interesting to watch than this.

D-

IMDB Page   If you want to rent it… Here’s the amazon link

Underworld: Blood Wars


2017   R 1:31  Kate Beckinsale Theo James Bradley James Charles Dance

 

So the what is this 5th movie in the franchise? Did I miss one? Oh no it was that 3rd movie that was a ‘base tart ized’  prequel.  (sorry I do try to keep things at PG or PG-13 but its fun to be creative in how to ‘curse’ and  yet adhere to my rules and anything I need to follow of wordpress guidelines.

So Slene is now an outcast and hunted by both factions (the lycans by her own vampires including her own clan), Selene and new friend David (Theo James) take on Marius (wasn’t he in one of the previous movies??) the new lycan leader and a scheming traitorus female vampire leader.

Selene has no idea where her daughter is for the child’s protection (and maybe even her own)

Now I’ve heard of white parties, I guess this is the vampire version though I think it needs a touch of red.. maybe the host should wear that. I mean those dank dark halls of the vampire palaces… oh I get the black.. its a ‘bat’ party like the white elephant in the room!  (Just my goofy interpretation….)

There’s some fight they end up in water (I think it was a fountain or a pond inside) that was cool coming up out of it then there’s a the fight on ice! (if only I could remember the when I went to the) ice Capades … this might have actually been better than that!

Love James Theo’s vampire eye color…definitely an improvement but then I do say “Fangs make the man”

The movie was ok but it doesn’t feel like there’s anything important on the line.No heart in the fight even after the revel from Marius (has to do with Scott Speedman’s character)

 

a C or D for some cool parts yet disappointing….

 

(also… Crayola needs to make a ‘vampire Blue eyes’  color!

IMDB page   * Rent or Buy via Amazon

Bye Bye Man


2017   PG13   1:36  blu-ray    Douglas Smith, Michael Trucco, Doug Jones, Lucien Laviscount,Cressida Bonas,Erica Tremblay    

IMDB

Wisconsin College students find an off campus house to rent, includes  furniture and a supernatural evil.

October 20th 1969 a man is ‘rabid’ asking everyone “Did you tell anyone the name?”  (but he never says who not even a hint) Then he grabs a rifle do you really think anyone will admit to it now?!  So guessing there will be a little more backstory later. Though at this point… (and not to really compare to a great) Nightmare on elm street had more story at least 5 pages with the kids’ nightmares than this does with a quarter of a sheet…

 

Well at least they used an amusingly fitting song in the movie…. Bye Bye Love…. Bye Bye loneliness….

See the hound and hear the coins the closer he is. I wouldn’t actually recommend this to see. Skip it and watch one of the old slasher films! Freddy is scarier than than Bye Bye Man’s snakey looking Voldermort face.

The story of our spectre is still paper thin when the movie is over, only that he’s sort of like a grim reaper is the only other thing I  heard. Too bad they couldn’t have included HOW he actually came about instead of maybe a possible prequel (if that’s even planned)  Ouija was better hell my nightmares are better than this! (If only I could record those to scare the crap outta the viewing public!

That hell hound thing although the FX for it is laughable kinda reminds me of something from one of the resident evil movies

D

If you bother to see it, just don’t buy it for your library it’s not worth the money! Rent it and save the rest toward a better movie.

rent here via Amazon  it’s not worth buying though.

Zoombies


2015   NR Horror 1:30  Ione Butler, Andrew Asper, Lala Nestor,Kim Nielsen,   more cast

A strange virus  quickly spreads through a safari park zoo called Eden which is an endangered wildlife refuge. WE

start in turning all the zoo undead. So now we all know this is a stop the creatures before they escape and cause more dismemberment and zombify everything in their path.

Being a fan of the tv series ZOO  (and trying to get my hand on a copy of the book) I thought I’d watch this as an appetizer before season 3 of the show.

one notable quote is

“It’s a zoo, NOT Jurassic Park”

 

Why hasn’t this been on Syfy or Chiller channel? I would have went nuts as it would have been a treasure to catch on there. Heck for all I know it could have been on there and I missed it.

One memorable part was the daughter in her mother’s office… where she is playing. I don’t want to set up the whole thing I’ll just say I will never look at a Koala the same way again.  actually you may not look at a lot of the animals the same way again. (and why I hope there’s never a zombie cats movie)

 

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Blood Drive


Oooh Wee! Aquaman (from Smallville) is in this. First when I saw the ad for ‘Blood Drive’ I thought the night on Syfy was going to be called that (like when they made Thursday nights Throwback Thursdays). Honestly I swear I come up with an idea, I don’t even have to write it, it just happens! Not sure when or where I got the idea but I think at least while trying to watch Madmax once I wondered why they didn’t try using blood as gas. But I am stoked for watching this and I wonder if every Wednesday night they will have a ‘Grindhouse’  type feature to show this summer.

So this is supposed to take place in 1999 in the California territories.

Now that’s  a fuel (adrenaline) injection. Every time she  calls Arthur,  Barbie… I go to check hearing aids I don’t need. Forget Barbie that is one Ken doll I want to play with.

So in a sense it is a movie (or at least plays like one…) but its an hour long TV series.  I was very much enjoying watching it then the episode was over… I nearly threw a fit so in a sense I’m a little disappointed, but I think that’s because I thought it was some movie. Like a grind house feature each week.

The series will be 13 episodes long, so why not show 1 1/2 hours a week no biggie would love to watch this at Alamo Draft house! They even have the fake commercials like the Robert Rodriguez 2007 Planet Terror/Deathproof movies (I’ve got the steel boxes of those, was awesome to see in the theater) which had the Machete commercial which became an actual movie in 2010!

I am really loving this series and its only 2-3 episodes in. I get so wrapped up in it that when it ends I’m confused like wait its not an hour yet! Look at the clock and damn! the hour is over, it feels like the show is only 15 minutes. I am SO adding it to the library (just not sure if Physical or if it will be the first for the digital collection yet!)

This has everything!

The story revolves around a race but I’m not telling you the Race is all about nor prize! Also if you didn’t see in the

trailers… Not only does it mostly revolve around the race, but a cop gets caught and is forced to participate; his partner on the other hand well I sort of know what’s going on with him, but also not. Arthur (aka Barbie) has noticed this company ‘Heart’ has theirs in everything, even seem to ‘own’ the cops.  The Race is put on by what I would describe as a mix up of Voltaire(the music artist) Penguin (as in the villain),  and I forget the first character/person that popped into mind.  Its got Gore, its got bad ass cars, episode 2, I already know is super memorable and can see it going to be a high favorite (of mine) of the season! 

The show is ‘sick’ in a good and bad way but hey that’s  what Grindhouse is. It’s basically a proverbial middle finger to hollywood (when they aren’t the ones who actually make it!) They are different and don’t seem to abide by the normal hollywood rules. I wish it had started as a feature in the theater or being its a series first… maybe in some way it can get a feature movie. I will have to suggest the idea to Alamo Draft (my local one as well as if there’s a way to drop a note to the head) to find out if they can show it in the theater! This is definitely worth a theater binge if they ever do one make sure it IS at Alamo Draft house (if you have one) and order the refillable soda & Popcorn!

A+

Definitely a nominee for the Avatar Awards      

You can buy Season 1 here  via Amazon

 

Here’s another opinion i came across

The Taking of Deborah Logan


2014    R    Jill Larson, Anne Ramsay, Michelle Ang,Brett Gentile     70 mins    Horror, Mystery, thriller

So I thought this was just another cliche possession movie. Wrong!

This was a ‘blair witch’ hybrid a single camera filmed docu horror as well as times where it seems like a normally filmed movie. Because of  her fast progressing disease (she has dementia or alzheimer’s) she is either possessed or just remembering some things.

I watched on Stream Dor a free app I got for my kindle, which you can watch movies free. (Though sometimes in another language with subtitles or in English with some foreign subtitles.  I ended up watching a couple of movies (forget which) in Polish, one in which I had already seen before so that was interesting to me.

I don’t find this movie to be worth the time really (unless you are perhaps bored in a hotel room, everything is closed or you are just in the middle of nowhere)  I was jsut so tired I jsut really did not want to read and had nothing else to watch that was short. Now I know why Netflix doesn’t have it!

 

 

The Fun house Massacre


2015,  R    1:30      Horror ,   Robert England, Jere Burns, Clint Howard, E.E. Bell, Candice De Visser   (cast and more)

 

A nod to slasher flasher films Six crazy killers make for six times the fun.

UGH! The reporter looks  like she belongs in a bad vampire movie. Can you say wig from party city?

Doctor Who Joker alert!

The Land of Illusion Haunted park Fun House is designed on serial killers. If I remember right I do believe something happened with one of them on that land.  Curly Q’s death was too cool, actually got a reaction out of me!)

The bee girl has got sting, that is some revenge to all dentists (if you are one, sorry but one of your own ruined it for you when I was a kid..no apologies from me when you tell me to bite down and I do bite you! lol)

Cliche’s and nothing I haven’t seen before  (except Curly’s death) Oh yeah and that goth is more deranged than Harley Quinn.

There’s some bad to awful acting in it but was able to get through it

Well the Stitch Face Killer (the one that looks like a Goth Harley Quinn) just found the actor is born the day after me.

I’d give it a C-

 Want to give it a watch?  Order here with Amazon

 

Get to know the killers

Image result for funhouse massacre

 

Definately gives Harley Quinn a run for her padded cell!

This Doll, is the evil Annabell kind. She’s the stich face killer

Between her and the other’s I’m not sure who is the worst.

 

 

 

 

 

The ‘Prophet’ of some cult Manny has Image result for funhouse massacrea surprise link to Dollface.

He has the power of persuasion maybe a bit of a hypnotist even.

 

 

 

 

 

Image result for funhouse massacreIf you thought  you were afraid of clowns before, this psycho will make you think again! Forget a man  he’s more the size of a bull   and the tallest clown I’ve ever seen. He might even be able to stop a train!

 

 

 

 

 

Image result for funhouse massacre mmm Norman Bates’ uncle by chance?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Image result for funhouse massacre

I don’t like dentists and why?  As a kid the one I had always wanted to yank a tooth or drill it. I’m quite sure some of those teeth did not need either! So this guys comeuppance felt like me paying my first dentist back!

 

 

 

 

 

Image result for funhouse massacre

Wait isn’t that copyright owned by Hannibal?  I do like the spin on the cannibal thing though making the customers the meal!  Forget your food being spit on if you are a problem, you will be on the menu…   Stew’s (stew of course) ,  Filet de Freddy , Kim croquettes  & for dessert TIMasu (tiramisu)