THE MAGNIFICENT SEVEN (2016)


2016  PG-13 blu-ray  2:13   Action, Western

Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt  Peter Sarsgaard Ethan Hawke, Cam Gigandet, Luke Grimes, Haley bennett

Directed by Antoine Fuqua and Written by Akura Kurosawa (based on screen play by Shinobu Hashimoto)

 

Remake of the 1960s western of the same name when a bunch of gunslingers band together to protect a small mining town’s residents from the thugs and ruthless gold tycoon.

Slow paced, but thanks to Chris Pratt’s ‘Best Magic Trick’ I’ve ever seen I was cracking up and kept me from turning the movie off. Though I really had it in the ‘Queue’ for dad.

I like the Native’s name ‘Red Harvest’ and the face paint is cool too.

This one I’d say to save for a roadtrip or a night in a hotel (or somewhere they don’t have cable)

The landscapes in this are worth a blu-ray watch, it was like watching moving photography from in an art gallery.

After his magic trick and a few other small comedic bits of Pratt’s I am really thinking that he was hired to move the movie along to feel like the pace wasn’t so slow. There’s some good quips and surprisingly not all are from the funny man.

Just when you start to getting bored, stop it eat or do something else then come back to it. I’d say the pay off is worth the build up which is pretty tense . Now I know I always say I don’t care if a movie is longer than an hour and a half or 2 hours as I’m getting my money’s worth but that also depends on pace… This one for me was 30-45 minutes too long.

B-

 

IMDB

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Ouija Origin of Evil


2016, PG-13, horror, thriller, 1:39,  Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson, Annalise Basso

set in what seems to be the 1960s  a fatherless family pays the bills by holding seances and palm readings. The mother does the psychic thing while the daughters when not in school, help push the point across.

The mother comes across the new ‘game’ in a store and brings a board home to use as one of her tools. (You are NOT supposed to use them in your home!!!) The youngest starts talking to ‘a friend’ which is never good, even when she thinks her dead dad tells her how to help save them from losing the family house. After this she stops going to school as she’s the one the board works for best.

Once things hit the fan when the older sister finds little sis scribbling on paper on the floor of her room to her right while looking to her left, the sister (I guess its the morning after) finds the papers sticking out from under the bed when she gathers the girl’s things. She gives them to the priest (which I guess is the principal of the school) to find out what they say as they are written in Polish.

I think somehow the story that was told about this family was ‘fudged’ a bit. Of course it’s been awhile since I watched the original movie but something about the story of these 3 didn’t sound right. Also unlike the first which was a little creepy this was not even eerie or anything remotely ‘scary’

D

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Great Wall


2017  PG-13 action adventure fantasy  Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem  Dafoe, Pedro Pascal

For a movie called the great wall, I found a lack of posters without it in it. It’s mostly just the actors with the text(maybe a small fore-image or background image of the wall.  If there are any (They are from China and those countries, a few I’ve seen but they are more art than an image from the movie.)

So I was sea-sawing on the decision to see this. I got an email from Showcase cinemas that if you had a star pass and bought a ticket for the movie, you get a FREE!!! Popcorn AND! drink!!! made the decision for me! My dad wanted to see it as well so we went and had ‘daddy daughter’ time.  For a sort of last minute decision, we quite enjoyed it.

The movie is about one of the legends of the Great Wall, as well as the army that protects it. a couple of mercenaries in search of black powder (gun powder)  end up attacked by some creature and are able to kill it. They end up helping the colorful army defend the wall against some monstrous creatures.

The army is a color coded menagerie of  warriors. Red archers,  Yellow foot soldiers and my favorite the Blue Crane corps, amde up of all women who ‘fly’. They are like a fighting Cirque du Soleil.

They have been in preparation for the return of some creatures, I forget… were they called tregarts? (or was that something from harry potter?)

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Central Intelligence


2016 Pg-13  1:47  comedy  action

Dwayne Johnson &  Kevin Hart  Jason Bateman   IMDB

The comedy about the kid that was bullied no matter how big or small he was (and what that person could possibly become) looked funny in the trailers, but I saved that money for another movie as I thought they likely showed all the good stuff in the trailers or just wouldn’t be funny (esp. if the best parts were in the trailer…)

So one day I’m checking out what’s on and I got the chance to watch it on HBO in full before it came up on my ‘Q’.

It was mildly funny but a good laugh, in jokes as well as storyline (much more so than Ghostbusters was).

The Rock plays Bob Stone very computer generated obese student with a small girly voice from what I remember. He contacts his old school football hero Calvin, who is now an accountant.  Meanwhile there’s someone that is following Bob around that he’s a bad guy or some such.

The reunion is well worth the watch  and it put more of a smile on my face than the rest did especially the

“You look like a black Will Will Smith’ line

You could call this an action comedy and maybe is why it worked more than most comedies. Who is the Black Badger?

In parts Kevin Hart reminds me of a badger  but also a hyena the way he screams like a girl, that alone gives me a laugh.

 

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Lights Out


2016  PG-13 1:21  Horror  Teresa palmer, Billy Burke, Maria bello, Eric Heisserer, Gabriel Bateman, Alexander DiPersia

Well its not the most original as in a sense Diana reminds me of the Insidious demon and something else that has yet to come to mind. I’m wondering if this is based on some Japanese horror movie one for me it sort of feels like it and 2 there’s a picture with Diana who’s hair is covering her face and she has a parasol.

We get a bit of back story all I will say is she had a skin condition. The mother is mental the daughter is estranged because of Diana  and

So as I like to and being the name of the movie is lights out… I left mine off to watch.

So I’m watching the movie and its got to be at least 15 minutes in and at most 45  and all of a sudden my door flies open, then I see this black thing moving on the floor! For a second I did feel spooked, but that’s my black cat! her perfect timing (this cat actually makes me scream when she’s in crazy mode and runs past me sometimes just meowing.

Also many try sneaking up on me and scaring me and doesn’t work, the cat meows and I don’t know she’s there… I jump (go figure!)

anyway so I’ve never been scared of the dark that I can remember (other than when I’ve scared myself) Other than that little creep out by my cat the movie isn’t scary (I have nightmares worse than this and I laugh t those)  Heck I have had a boyfriend and some cousins scarier than this!

I will say that Diana reminded me of some water logged character the way the hair was…

as for worth a watch.. wait for rental or cable —Amazon

IMDB

The Darkness


Image result for The Darkness Movie 20162016   PG-13  Horror Thriller    1:32    Kevin Bacon,   Radha Mitchell, David Mazouz ,  Ming Na Wen, Jennifer Morrison    (IMDB)

 

This was supposedly based on real life events. A malignant spirit  returns with the Taylor family who was vacationing at the Grand Canyon where their autistic son Mike  finds some stones with Native pictographs on them.

Soon after the family returns home  there are some odd occurrences  and their daughter gets ‘sick’. The son sees someone or something he calls Jenny, and of course as usual the un-explainable things escalate

I will give it one thing where I would think to be no suspense there was a bit there, though it was  not to the point of intensity you want to scream or jump if there’s a loud noise. So for that I add a a few points but minus a bunch on the whole native legend part (its something that is over used, that it feels more aImage result for The Darkness Movie 2016 cop out and If a story is based on a building built on a Native Burial ground or some sort of sacred ground, then  it’s just cookie cutter… change the characters names, the setting and they are basically all the same)

Another thing I will give it a points boost for, I don’t remember ever seeing an autistic child portrayed in a movie. Also I thought they didn’t speak,(or very rarely)  but then I met someone that was and he spoke fairly well.

C-

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The Shallows


2016    PG-13  Horror/Thriller     Blake Lively   blu-ray       1:37

What was once in the Deep, is now in the shallows

While surfer Mia is riding waves at a remote beach, ends up stranded aout 20-30 yards away from from shore staled by a great white.

In the trailer, that does not look all that shallow to me, besides if it really were the shallows, the weight of the shark I don’t think would be able to get around especially where the rock and coral formations are. But then I define  ‘the shallows’ at a beach as being up to one’s waist and not past. Which would be about 3-4 feet.

Why does the shark start to stalk her? Because the dumb ass went over to see why all the birds and stuff were making a fuss. Which ended up being the territory of the shark and therefore she brought it on herself. (remember curiosity did kill the cat)

Another thing dumb ass isn’t even wearing water shoes so that if she steps on coral it won’t cut her. Plus she leaves all her stuff on the beach (there are waterproof pouches to keep your phone and ID on you (I have one)

I think they used 2 maybe even 3 beach/water  locations  One being that Exotic beautiful turquoise colored one with the nice landscape. Then there’s another where the water looked dark, more like it was the Atlantic, maybe that was just for the close ups. There is some shark related violence but you don’t see much if any at all, let alone when you do its not that gory.

For some reason no one will seem to tell her what the name of the beach is One says ‘This is Paradise” I can tell they aren’t telling her the actual name. So I guess it’s Shark Beach or Great White Way. Not sure if she ever really learned the real name.

Could they be more cheesey with the close ups of Lively’s ‘bits’ (for those of you without a clue.. her ass and boobs)?!

I’m surprised we didn’t hear an uproar over this from 2Ks quasi-feminists (sorry if you aren’t from the 1960s and burned your bra.. you are not feminist)

Certainly not worth a re-watch its a one and done deal, other than maybe rewinding the ‘Lively’ (yeah couldn’t help with that pun) battle with the shark. I’d say there’s a hole somewhere I can’t place what it was as far as the story goes is missing something. I was surprised however with the end game of the battle and who survived or not. I think will have to give the shark or Lively (not sure which) a nom for the next Avatar Awards as far as the fight goes. I’d say I might be able to see that happening in a Jaws movie  (gods forbid if they ever remake that!)

Thankfully I didn’t see it in the theater There wasn’t much depth to the character as ‘The Shallows’ apparently wasn’t just the title but a warning, but then again when there’s one character for 90-95% of the movie there’s not going to be much character evolution.

Regardless if you saw the ‘Jaws for the next generation’ There is no comparison.  It is NO Jaws not even a microcosm.

NOT . AT. ALL. ORIGINAL.    C     Watch or Order on amazon