Spread


2009  R  1:37  ? Rom  com?  Drama  AShton Kutcher, Sebastian Stan, Margarita Leviva & Anne Hecht

Nikki (Kutcher) is a womanizer of older well off women who he targets to use for anything for some sexual favors. When he meets waitress Heather the player gets played as she knows all his tricks and uses them on him but he doesn’t seem to realize it until he moves ‘her’ car.

At first its a whole lot of the same thing then a bit of a switch bu the characters are one dimensional, uninteresting clods er Sluts (heck technically hookers) That’s only watching for an hour and 8 minutes. Have to fast forward ahead, though I was surprised to see Eric Balfour in a scene.

I’d say skip it its a waste of time and feels longer than the hour and a half it is. It’s like slow torture watching paint dry (actually THAT might be more entertaining!)

xXx: Return of Xander Cage


2017  PG-13  blu-ray  1:47 Vin Diesel, Samuel L. Jackson, Nina Dobrev, Donnie Yen, Toni Collette

                                         Kris Wu  Ruby Rose  Deepika Padukone

I like the opening ‘space’ scene and the bit in the Chinese restaurant with Gibbons trying to recruit some guy (at the end of the movie shows he’s some soccer star) but showed a ‘stats’ card that said he thought he was being recruited by the Avengers.

Now there’s a cool stunt.. ‘flipping off bullets’ onto a bike might beat Winter Soldier’s grabbing the bike out from under the rider..  but I’m not really sure on that. I’ll go with a tie. Now wait… skiing …without snow… in a forest…I mean I know they ‘snowboard’ on sand dunes but with all the rocks etc that would be in a forest would that even work? I’m going to just chalk this one up to Hollywood imagery.

Now THIS was freaking cool he goes from BMX dirt bike to a …errr… SKI Bike!!! or do we call it a surf bike WTF should that be called! but whatever I’d LOVE to try it!

Oh Forget Xander can we get a spin-off of the Green haired sniper?  (for some reason she reminds me of that 90s Aeon Flux cartoon)

What should be the meaty part of the movie, with not only story with a minor and a major stunt and action work …ends up a disappointment.

Just as said… gridlocked traffic (lol) ok so maybe they saved some budget that would have been used for at least a fight in act 2, for Xander going fast and furious!  Ugh the corny ass chick pose shooting, really I thought we were past that  Charlies Angels crap!!! (where’s the feminists bitching about that?!!?!?!)

‘The Mouth Problem’  (not gonna ruin that) and we get a surprise I didn’t expect to show! WOW for once something in an action movie is actually kept on the DL  although I do say they do show too many stunts etc in the trailers, and with this one not having as much as I remember in the original (though I could be wrong.. I haven’t re-watched that in years)

I will say one way the original is better than this one… the sound track! The original one had a 2 -in-one a disk for the rockers and one for the hip hop/rap fans. 

I can’t even find an actual soundtrack.. just ‘Music from the motion picture’ which from reading the titles is actually the score (being it’s not music made by different artists and bands)

I thought it was going to be total crap like certain other reboots that have happened but it wasn’t too bad, I might even consider putting it in my library with the original

C

 

 

 

IMDB   *    buy your preferred format here via AMazon

 

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter


2017   R  1:46  Mila Jovovich, Shawn Roberts,Eion Mackin, Ali Larter

 

Alive returns  to Raccoon city to fight against some of Unmbrella’s  new mutant monstrosities to be unleashed on the last of the human population.

“The End…..the end to my story”- Alice

so what this isn’t the actual end of the franchise, just Mila Jovovich? Will you see it without her, or would it just depend on who the new ‘alice’  oops sorry/.. lead is?

Oh crap was that a dragon? or a Turok……(Avatar creatur rip off)?

So the Capital building Looks rotted like a zombie Oh and then they copy off of walking dead with the HEAD-quarium, a bit of Star Trek’s Khan fight on the moving vehicle gods is anything original in this and not a knock-off/Nod to something else?

Erebus?? wait wasn’t that the vampire Bible in blade? Oh maybe they said Cerebus.. the 3 headed dog or something like that from Greek mythology right? So I’m waiting for it… and a mass of doberman’s….dead’mans (or I think they are) come out I was waiting even after this for some 3 headed or more dog! but end up disappointed.

I can tell you one thing I’ve always liked about the series… the monster or 2 of the movie!  They have had some freakish things that i commend the demented mind of whoever the creator(s) were for those monsters. The one in this is kinda creepy and scary at a certain angle otherwise it was laughable to me.

The ‘big scary’ as far as this point goes kinda reminds me of ‘Pumpkinhead’ (now that is a remake I’d like to see just don’t screw with the look of Pumpkinhead)  i just can’t tell ya who’s ‘prettier’

Well look at that Maiden Mother and Crone or as what’s his name (he’s in game of thrones as well)  The trinity of Bitches (yes I do allow that, its in the dictionary) as he put it

I think a question mark should be after the ‘Final Chapter’  but recently saw in entertainment weekly they have I think 6 more movies approved

Glad I didn’t see this in the theater would have been a waste of money.  Basically 2016-2017 reboots have failed it seems.  I will say I think Underworld bloodwars was more interesting to watch than this.

D-

IMDB Page   If you want to rent it… Here’s the amazon link

Underworld: Blood Wars


2017   R 1:31  Kate Beckinsale Theo James Bradley James Charles Dance

 

So the what is this 5th movie in the franchise? Did I miss one? Oh no it was that 3rd movie that was a ‘base tart ized’  prequel.  (sorry I do try to keep things at PG or PG-13 but its fun to be creative in how to ‘curse’ and  yet adhere to my rules and anything I need to follow of wordpress guidelines.

So Slene is now an outcast and hunted by both factions (the lycans by her own vampires including her own clan), Selene and new friend David (Theo James) take on Marius (wasn’t he in one of the previous movies??) the new lycan leader and a scheming traitorus female vampire leader.

Selene has no idea where her daughter is for the child’s protection (and maybe even her own)

Now I’ve heard of white parties, I guess this is the vampire version though I think it needs a touch of red.. maybe the host should wear that. I mean those dank dark halls of the vampire palaces… oh I get the black.. its a ‘bat’ party like the white elephant in the room!  (Just my goofy interpretation….)

There’s some fight they end up in water (I think it was a fountain or a pond inside) that was cool coming up out of it then there’s a the fight on ice! (if only I could remember the when I went to the) ice Capades … this might have actually been better than that!

Love James Theo’s vampire eye color…definitely an improvement but then I do say “Fangs make the man”

The movie was ok but it doesn’t feel like there’s anything important on the line.No heart in the fight even after the revel from Marius (has to do with Scott Speedman’s character)

 

a C or D for some cool parts yet disappointing….

 

(also… Crayola needs to make a ‘vampire Blue eyes’  color!

IMDB page   * Rent or Buy via Amazon

Bye Bye Man


2017   PG13   1:36  blu-ray    Douglas Smith, Michael Trucco, Doug Jones, Lucien Laviscount,Cressida Bonas,Erica Tremblay    

IMDB

Wisconsin College students find an off campus house to rent, includes  furniture and a supernatural evil.

October 20th 1969 a man is ‘rabid’ asking everyone “Did you tell anyone the name?”  (but he never says who not even a hint) Then he grabs a rifle do you really think anyone will admit to it now?!  So guessing there will be a little more backstory later. Though at this point… (and not to really compare to a great) Nightmare on elm street had more story at least 5 pages with the kids’ nightmares than this does with a quarter of a sheet…

 

Well at least they used an amusingly fitting song in the movie…. Bye Bye Love…. Bye Bye loneliness….

See the hound and hear the coins the closer he is. I wouldn’t actually recommend this to see. Skip it and watch one of the old slasher films! Freddy is scarier than than Bye Bye Man’s snakey looking Voldermort face.

The story of our spectre is still paper thin when the movie is over, only that he’s sort of like a grim reaper is the only other thing I  heard. Too bad they couldn’t have included HOW he actually came about instead of maybe a possible prequel (if that’s even planned)  Ouija was better hell my nightmares are better than this! (If only I could record those to scare the crap outta the viewing public!

That hell hound thing although the FX for it is laughable kinda reminds me of something from one of the resident evil movies

D

If you bother to see it, just don’t buy it for your library it’s not worth the money! Rent it and save the rest toward a better movie.

rent here via Amazon  it’s not worth buying though.

John Wick Chapter 2


2017, R, blu-ray Keanu Reeves, Peter Storemare, John Leguizamo, Ian McShane, Common, Riccardo Scamarcio, Lance Reddick, Ruby Rose

Well the opening scene is certainly high octane action… oh that poor car, making me cry. John Leguizamo plays his ‘machanic’ I’d have to say that’s my favorite non-action part of the movie, though I’m not sure which part is my favorite action or stunt moment. There were so many action scenes they just seemed to have gotten meshed together for me. The movie barely gives you time to breath aside from going from one fighting scene finish… turns corner then there’s another fight. I guess it’s maybe the ones in the catacombs. Speaking of fights…damn! Keanu for  50 something…you do fight scenes better than Common~! Keanu looks like he does better in the fight scenes than Common does!(Faster at least and maybe more confortable)   Let’s see here

 Keanu…born 1964 =53

 Common born 1972 = 44

something just doesn’t add up there for me… Common seems awkward to me in the fight scenes like he’s unsure (or afraid he’ll get his ass kicked for real …wonder if something happened while rehearsing.

Ah the BLood oath…. if you make one and betray it the person you made it to has the right to kill you for not upholding it. (It’s an honor thing) but when it comes to Wick’s profession (what the heck is Wick anyway… assassin or Mercenary? will have to check out the official definition for the 2.) that and with vampires.. you don’t make or break blood oaths with!  with that… you could become a B-B-Q! and man I’ve seen some huge marshmallows that would be great to roast near that…those from the color of them flames… I think You’d need  at least a hundred foot skewer to roast them!

There’s 2 rules…

  1. No blood on Continental grounds (what’s this? no blood at the airlines or do they mean on your own turf?)
  2. Every marker (blood oath) must be honored.

Well the tunes are cool even I don’t mind the club music in this!

They certainly do not let you catch your breath watching this one ….

NO freaking way Subway!! with all those people?  Ok is the Canal  to broadway (or was it Broadstreet)  supposed to be an inside joke sort of like what my demented brain is thinking…Canal of Blood leading to the city of brotherly love?

Well this is certainly a hit and best action movie of 2017 (so far) though I think the storyline may be a bit thin now. But hey for renting it in the summer for something to not really have to think about… it was enjoyable!

Defiantly one for the home library

imdb page

Get it for your library blu-ray, dvd & 4k as well as Amazon video available

John Wick Behind the Scenes

 

Mercury Plains


2015  R  1:42  ‘Neo- western’     Scott Eastwood

 

Eastwood plays Mitch Davis who heads to Mexico with a friend, who disappears from the bar (and I don’t think is ever mentioned or shown again…WTF happened to him?) Mitch falls in with errr make that recruited to a para-military group fighting the cartel.

After watching it I realize I ordered it for dad.  Now there have been times that when I’e watched soemthing even though it wasn’t my taste I’ve occasionally like it… this is not one of those. This is definately NOT a buy for your library as a physical copy would et as dusty as the desert (and a digital one well I think would just kill your device!) not even really worth a rental (unless as usual you may be bored in a hotel or some place there is not much if anything to do)