Miss Periguines Home for peculiar children


2016  PG-13  2:07  Eva Green Samuel L. Jackson        Tim Burton

Jacob Portman arrives to his grandfather’s to find the house looks to be broken into. Frankly it looks more like something broke out as the glass is outside not inside the house.  He finds his gramps  who tells him  to “go to the island”

Curiosity to find out if the photos and stories  from Peregrine’s home were true, he goes to find the island. He comes across the ruins and explores a bit to think he’s seeing things. A shadow darting here or there. It seemed a little wizard of oz like.

samuel L Jackson looks like Don King with that hair  and Floater girl reminds me of Brittany Murphy

There are movie best left for the kids and others the adults can enjoy as well… This one… I guess is a toss up

I can be a big kid, but this was so so for me. I like the different powers sort of like an X-men school before it come about. But at the same time a time loop… really? for me that was just lame.

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Kong Skull island


2017   PG-13  Action,aDventure, Fantasy

Tom Hiddleston, John Goodman Samuel L. Jackson Toby Kebbell  Brie Larson John C. Riley Shea Whigham,Corey Hawkins

In the March 10th issue of Entertainment weekly measured up the many incarnations of King Kong strating with the
1933 Merian C. Cooper and Ernest B. Schoedeck’s original, in which the ape’s size fluctuates depending on the scene. So how does Kong measure up in 2017?  read on to find out!

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King Arthur : Legend of the Sword


This poster doesn’t look as nice online as it did in the theater’s holder. Unless maybe the one int he theater was without the jacket

2017   PG-13  2 hr 6min  Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Eric Bana,Astrid Bergès-FrisbeyDjimon Hounsou,Tom Wu,Kingsley Ben-AdirAidan Gillen

Director Guy Ritchie

imdb info 

Planned to be at least a 3 movie series to tell the story of King Arthur, I recently read on the movies IMDB page in the trivia section, that there are a planned 5 more installments.

For years man and madge lived in peace then Mordred  and his giant elephants broke the peace marching on the towns the last being Camelot. Arthur is a young boy who witnesses  his father Uther’s (Eric Bana) sacrifice to save him against his Uncle Mortigan.  The Young Arthur is found in a boat by 3 ladies doing laundry, who raise him in their brothel and growing up learning use his wits and fists  on the streets of London growing up into the face of Charlie Hunnam who is a haunted and cocky man (but then he can back up that cockyness)

Jude Law plays Arthur’s uncle Mortigan (is it just me or are there too many characters in the Arthur legends with Mor- in the name? (Mortigan, Mordredm, Morgana etc.) So Mortigan, oops sorry to me it sounded like an M but nope IMDB has it as VORTIGAN as you will know if you know anything of the Arthur stories is the pain in the butt, to put it nicely and may be turned into an Excalibur kabob!  There’s one part in the movie I’d even call him Hitler! (I think you will know what part I mean when you see it.)

The Black Legs (I think is what Mortigan’s guards are called) have metal masks that remind me of some metal bands mascot, not sure if it’s iron maiden Nope its the Quiet Riot mask! 

The Thump of the war drum brought a chill over me and I’d swear my heart fell into the Rhythm of it.

CAMEO ALERT! but i won’t ruin it I’ll just let ya know it’s during the part where the guys are trying to pill the sword from the stone. I almost didn’t realize who it was.

The humor in it is a bit different, not a laugh out loud hilarious sort, though it may get a few snorts outta ya. Much is wise-assery and shut the F* up who’s on first sounding type. Of course its the dry English humor but  with a little more to it. For instance one line I actually did laugh out loud the actor who plays Goose Fat (aka Little Finger on Game of thrones…) takes a ring off and Arthur says “Leave the ring on Honey-tits”

Oh so that’s a new twist I think (at least to me) on why or how the sword got in the stone. (Well I have one of the books here to read so I wonder if this is creative license or if it was in the some of the legends)

I’m not sure why but at in the trailers I like the “Doesn’t it make the palace burn well” line, I’m not sure why I think its more Hunnam’s voice and/or accent as seeing it in context, it falls lame.

Wait WHY does Excalibur look like it has wood grain, when it’s metal???

The fight scenes were cool though I could have done without the all the digital crap in them. The stop motion etc. But ignoring the ‘artsy’ part of the fights I enjoyed the action. Also aside from the horses are any of the animals actually live not CGI? Speaking of the animals Talk about River Rats and  sewer rats the size of dogs! (I think this would eat a Rottweiler!) I’m the one that usually makes fun of the people who jump on a chair when they see a mouse… These I think you would need a tree!  but you might find the big cat up there cause I think these could make one its bitch!  And then there’s the ::screams like a girl::: snake not the giant one, but the moment with the small one (No amount of money would have gotten me to let them do that! I don’t care if it isn’t poisonous!)

Oh and if the separated at birth picture on my tribute page for him doesn’t prove that… In the movie he uses the sword at one point and I had to shake my head… I didn’t know if I was watching Season 1 of Vikings or the movie. The way he moved with the sword reminded me of Travis Fimmel’s Ragnar did.

I don’t think there was a boring moment and I enjoyed watching the movie, as if I were watching a Marvel movie!!

It’s just a shame that it came out in May! Of course anything other than a Marvel movie being released in May  (or as I’ve been calling it MAyVEL) would likely flop. So with that, You know I’m saying it was a flop at the box office with an estimated  175,000,000 cost (which I think 1/2 to 75% went to the difital FX) and I think in the states only made 40 something mill back. However I always say, the Box office tells you NOTHING! Just what was most popular, not actually good. I don’t know How a movie get scheduled for release but I could assure you if I had any choice.. I would choose any month nothing is released from Marvel or certain Franchises (basically if I know what’s going to be out If it comes out the beginning of the month at most I would choose the last weekend for my movie to come out)

On IMDB it has a rating for it of 7.4 out of 10  so that’;s the equivalent of a B and Entertainment Weekly gave it a C+

in which their review not only helped with how I wanted to describe the word play (as I couldn’t think of how best to capture it) and some of the babble but   mentioning the “Best moments are the smaller ones_ the scheming and snap-crackle -pop wordplay among its gallery of medieval rogues.  Sadly they make it sound really bad when they say it’s the same franchise quicksand the director stepped into with his Sherlock Holmes reboot (the first one was fine the 2nd one on the other hand was garbage to me) because the ‘mental gymnastics were upstaged by the razzle dazzle and with this he’s just sinking deeper.  When Arthur pulls the sword the reluctant hero is born the film sparks to life  with Arthur’s grifting, wisecracking  Cockney cronies with colorful names like Goosefat bill)

Phony looking special effects sequences of marauding elehants and magical eel creatures. They mention it could have been a rollicking blast if not for those which make it a wannabe blockbuster but has too much flash and not enough soul. But as I said ignoring the digital FX (or at least once I noticed there was going to be an annoying amount) I though I don’t remember sitting back in my seat I ‘sat back’ and relaxed and enjoyed the film.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

(Uther Pendragon IS the stone)

 

 

Great Wall


2017  PG-13 action adventure fantasy  Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem  Dafoe, Pedro Pascal

For a movie called the great wall, I found a lack of posters without it in it. It’s mostly just the actors with the text(maybe a small fore-image or background image of the wall.  If there are any (They are from China and those countries, a few I’ve seen but they are more art than an image from the movie.)

So I was sea-sawing on the decision to see this. I got an email from Showcase cinemas that if you had a star pass and bought a ticket for the movie, you get a FREE!!! Popcorn AND! drink!!! made the decision for me! My dad wanted to see it as well so we went and had ‘daddy daughter’ time.  For a sort of last minute decision, we quite enjoyed it.

The movie is about one of the legends of the Great Wall, as well as the army that protects it. a couple of mercenaries in search of black powder (gun powder)  end up attacked by some creature and are able to kill it. They end up helping the colorful army defend the wall against some monstrous creatures.

The army is a color coded menagerie of  warriors. Red archers,  Yellow foot soldiers and my favorite the Blue Crane corps, amde up of all women who ‘fly’. They are like a fighting Cirque du Soleil.

They have been in preparation for the return of some creatures, I forget… were they called tregarts? (or was that something from harry potter?)

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Kindred: The Embraced


Complete Vampire Collection Disk #2 (via    1996 4 episodes (4 hours)

C. Thomas Howell, Mark Frankel, Channon Roe,Kelly Rutherford

This was recommended to me by a friend in England. I rented it from Netflix on DVD sadly, they only had disk 2.

When I first herd the title of this I thought of the role playing game, Vampire The Masquerade but so far have not heard one mention to it or anything similar (not that I played but at least knew of it and little about it)

5 secret vampire clans who clash among themselves and mortals battle to rule San Francisco. The leader ‘Prince of the city’ Julian Luna (that sounds more like a werewolf surname than vampire) fights to keep his title.

The first episode was Live Hard, Die Young and Leave a good looking corpse

Ivan Sergei guest stars as some rock star named Zane and my Lost Boys addled mind sees way too many similarities between this episode and the movie. He sort of reminds me of a cross between Lost Boys  Jason Patrick’s character Michael Emerson and Queen of the Damned’s Stuart Townsend. (Only I think Townsend portrayed the rockstar image better) Wait did he just mention something about Jim Morrison? What the hell? Why does he always seem to be mentioned in or is somehow portrayed as a vampire? (Hello Queen of the Damned, The big Poster of Morrison in Lost Boys…Might have to look into that more)

Zane turns some girl against her will which threatens ‘The masquerade’  well there it is! definitely based on the RPG! But there ARE more than 5 clans in the game. There’s some clan name dropping (Toredor,Ventrue, Bruja) And they drop names Morrison, Cobaine (really Kurt Cobaine as a vampire?? I’ll have to ponder that a bit, yeah I guess he had the looks for it)

Humans seeem to know about them, or at least the cop. Channon Roe who plays Cash from the Gangrel clan looks more wolfish than vampire to me. Regardless he’s pegged to be a supernatural character as he already played a dark lighter in the (original) Charmed series (yes word is they are rebooting that too! but will be a prequel set in 1976)

Another few episodes..

The Rise and Fall of Eddie Fiori – The leader of the Bruja tries to take over the Masqurade

Bad Moon Rising – a member of Nosfratu clan steals a human’s baby for a ritual to regain their powers

Cabin in the Woods- The Prince of vampires goes with his reporter girlfriend to some cabin, she ends up finding out about the surpernatural world.

Get the DVD via amazon

Notes:  Asimites are chemeleons or shape shifters    Toredor are the artists

 

You can find more about Vampires here   (and I am trying to work on something for the RPG as well)

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& The Kindred The Embraced Wiki

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Huntsman: Winter’s War


2016  PG-13  Action, Fantasy  1:54  Chris Hemsworth, Jessica Chastain, Charlize Theron, Emily Blunt

Prequel to Snow White and the Huntsman. Here Ravenna has a sister Freya (yes as in the Norse Goddess) whose grief leads her to unleash her icy powers (queue ‘Let Go Let it snow whatever the name of it is..)

She is feared in her kingdom  where the only rule is Do not love.

“Do Not Love….it’s a sin. Love is a lie, it is a trick played by the cruel on the foolish and the weak. Cast it from your mind never let it render you frail of mind or of will.”

She saves the children from ‘suffering’ and they are trained to become her army. Just one problem, her 2 best warriors fall in love…

Wait if this is a prequel then how the hell is Ravenna in Snow white and the Huntsman when here she is supposed to be dead? did someone make a consistency error; AHHH that’s how!

Whoa! a river of molten gold, why not just throw the ‘mirror’ in that so that it melts.

I swear its a live action version of Frozen and for that alone it gets a            D!

 

Available in DVD, Blu-ray, 4K & Amazon Video here

Krampus


2015  PG-13 comedy, Fantasy, Horror  1:38  Adam Scott, Toni Collette, Krista Stadler,Conchata Ferrell, David Koechner,Luke Hawker  & a bulldog named Thor! (the irony!)   IMDB info

There is no record of Krampus recorded until the 1600s WAY past Pagan age. Unless you want to associate him with Loki’s ‘Reindeer games’ helmet’ (of Marvel’s Avengers) that’s the only option.  Christmas is BASED on a mass amount of Pagan rituals so the Christians could get them to convert. Santa Claus is pretty much St. Nick & Krampus in one. Frankly considering all the crap holiday movies of all the other genres (esp. comedies) with all the joy and happiness… its about freaking time that a horror one comes out. Also there is nothing in Pagan religions that likely resembles Krampus. I find it to possibly be the Christian view of the devil having a good and bad for the holiday as there’s always a yang to the Yin .

Image result for Krampus Movie

The profile silhouette of Krampus is imposing and creepy enough, sort of across between the Beast (from Beauty and the beast) some old witch hag and as I said Loki’s reindeer games helmet.

The movie opens with a holiday shopping montage, that I’m surprised Krampus didn’t show up right there. Honestly they need to do something about those ‘riots’ have pre-orders done and pay half or something. Anyway so while there Tom and Sarah’s son Max has some school holiday show and well …sugar hits the fan!

So now uptight mom Sarah and workaholic dad have their obnoxious relatives coming for the holidays (not sure if the parents or kids are worse though!) Hope none of your relatives are like these people!  So I think them being at the house puts the naughty meter in the red and so are getting a visit from Krampus for their 12 months of  naughty business.Though the amount of what I see in just what’s supposed to be a few hours at first I think was enough to beat out the previous months!

Adam Scott first off I think was a bad casting decision.. or was the movie also supposed to be a comedy? Oh lord yeah it was supposed to be part comedy but aside from one quote :  “Looks like Martha Stewart threw up in here” from The Aunt and delivered with perfection from 2 & 1/2 Men’s housekeeper. Aside from that it wasn’t all that funny, aside from a few Psychotic Gingerbreadmen!  but those alone were better than all of The Night BeforeImage result for Krampus Movie

And this movie might make you think twice about Ginger Bread men!

LOVED those I was baffled at first but I knew there was a reason I didn’t like that stuff! These hellions were some 5 sorts of freaky.

What do you get when you cross a Teddy Bear and a Nightmare?   This  ‘Bear Mare’, Night bare, Teddy Mare? pick one of preference! I flinched when I first saw it. (Really hope mine doesn’t turn into this or I’m so screwed as it’s right in the corner near my head I wouldn’t put it past him to literally bite someone’s head off!Image result for Krampus MovieSo in a sense the movie was sort of scary especially when Krampus was around though they should have kept it more mysterious having the silhouette, and not directly showing the talk about the horses mouth, and goat eyes! His elves reminded me of the goblin or was it a dark elf I forget from the movie Legend that starred Tom Cruise. Also the movie gave me the only snow I got to see for this holiday so for that I give it a B otherwise it was a good C!