Hotel Artemis


2018    R   1:34    Jodie Foster, Dave Batista, Zachary Quinto,Jeff Goldblum, Sterling K. Brown, Charlie Day, Sofia Boutella

April 2028: After a robbery gone wrong with 2 brothers being part of the crew, on the getaway one is shot, the other brings him to a hotel? 

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The Rig


2010    R   1:34  action Horror Advevnture

William Forsythe,Stacey Hinnen ,Scott Martin

 

With A tropical storm approaching, an oil rig tries to get some drilling done. When they hit dirt, a purple cloud  erupts and a fish attacks the navigational camera.

On the surface the call is made to start evacuating all non-essential personnel on an oil rig off the Louisiana Coast. 

The few that remain get ready batten down the hatches and such and get ready for what will be a rough night. They’ll soon realize its not just the hurricane they have to survive but a voracious evil from the deep.

Monster movie. This felt more like it was from the 80s or even 70s than from the 2000s

Not much to say about it, other than its typical cookie cutter outline.

The monster is inspired by a really scary deep sea fish, which I find scarier than Sharks and most other things in this world.

Here’s an over exaggerated picture of said fish from Finding Nemo

Mandy


2018  NR   2;00   Action, fantasy, Horror

 

Red Miller sees his rural pacific life spin out of control an hour after the movie starts when his girlfriend (or wife) is kidnapped by a crazy cult leader and his followers who burn her alive. Of course a blood vengeance will be enacted.

Ugh not sure what the hell that was with the first hour. Maybe an attempt to get us to like his girl I don’t know. But that first hour felt like 3. As I said I have no idea what was with that hour, at one point I had to start fast forwarding through parts. This should have been one of those “Don’t Watch This’ series of shorts (the shortest one is like 2 minutes or a little over) if they would have cut this to be just an hour, or 45 minutes they would have had a winner. I can’t see how the hell some people called this one of the best of the year.

There’s some weird shit in here and my apologies but much, if not all belongs in the toilet bowl.

There’s things in here that look like they belong in Hellraiser as Pinheads Cenobites. One looks like he’s got spikes all over like that ghost in the 13 Ghosts movie from 2001.

as I said the first hour felt so long with all the nonsense and not even sure there was really any story to that first half but really I was no longer interested. The dialog was  a yawner The only good part was crushing someone’s head.

Even once they kill the girl, and he starts preparing for war. The payback is a bore too though Nic Cage is  pretty scary looking with fake blood on his face.

Either Skip the first hour otherwise its a BIG SKIP (unless you have insomnia, then by all means go ahead it should help)

 

Rampage



2018   Pg-13    action, adventure, scifi

Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson ,Joe Manganiello ,Jeffrey Dean Morgan ,Malin Akerman ,Will Yun Lee

When I heard The Rock was cooking up a movie based on my Favorite arcaded game, I thought… Well its about DAMN time my game becomes a movie. At the same time I was weary to see it in the theater especially with Ready Player One on about to be released as well)  and cynical about him being part of it (didn’t matter what way though) I thought they were going to really screw it up.

The game which I have (well for playstation 2 but I wish I had the wii version…)  You can play the old arcade version as well as the new one. The new one I will admit is more fun as you can unlock new monsters, and destroying everything is a lot more fun too. So I could only imagine how much more fun it would be playing on the wii system.

Davis Okoye a primatologist sees George the Gorilla he raised and communicated with via American Sign Language, turn from gentle (jokester) beast a terrifying monster of seismic proportions

here’s a  page I wrote about the game   (Damn I want this 3d art–>)

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Swiss Army Man


2016    R  1:37   Adventure, Comedy, Drama   Paul Dano, Daniel Radcliffe,Mary Elizabeth Winstead   blu-ray

Hank who is on a deserted island contemplates suicide but when Manny washes ashore, Hank gets off his pedestal.

SO Manny, a dead guy saves him Hank,just not from the island but from himself and his boredom.

The 2 help each other and Yes ‘Harry Potter’ plays a dead guy whose gassy decay is used for a variety of things,  one of which is starting his camp fires. Wonder what else Fart power will be used for.

For me its original , an amusing and maybe even in a childish way. But it is supposed to be a comedy and yes there are some funny parts. Frankly I couldn’t help but laugh at the end.

Give it a try

I’m Giving it a B

Rent or Buy Via Amazon

 

Maximum Overdrive


 

1986  R   Emilio Estevez  YEardly Smith    Action Horror Comedy

Written for the screen and Directed by Stephen King

Music by AC/DC

 

With the earth caught in the tail end of a comet, machines become homicidal and a bunch of people are stuck at a rest stop. They make do however they can to survive.

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Krampus: The Christmas Devil


2013        NR          1:22

Confronted by a childhood nightmare when Krampus comes to officer Jeremy’s small town. Of course to punish all the naughty children. Some go missing, others turned up murdered.

Krampus only has til the stroke of midnight on xmas eve to complete his tasks.

You could certainly tell this had nothing to do with the movie from a year or 2 ago, let alone no big Hollywood budget.

Between the lighting, visual fx, and other aspects I’d swear it was amateur at best.  Make-up wise I could have whipped up a more convincing batch of fake blood, Theirs’s just looked like a melted red or Salmon colored crayon on the snow.

Oh geez I think they may have only paid the actors, ause that fake heart, at least I think it was supposed to be a heart, didn’t even look like one and squish… turns to jello. Somehow I highly doubt that’s what happens to a heart when its squeezed.

Even for a 1 hour and 22 minutes, it felt too long.

Stupid